


Some stories ... never end

by NBsan



Series: Some Stories [4]
Category: Bleach
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe - No Fullbring Arc, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Bad Decisions, Character Death, D/s undertones, Fights, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Topping from the Bottom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-25
Updated: 2020-08-31
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:14:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 43,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26108536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NBsan/pseuds/NBsan
Summary: For example when Renji makes a decision of which he thinks that it is the right one, because he is sure that he and Ichigo have eternity together.
Relationships: Abarai Renji/Kuchiki Byakuya, Abarai Renji/Kurosaki Ichigo
Series: Some Stories [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1791631
Kudos: 6





	1. Five years later

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Manche Geschichten ... enden nie](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26069713) by [NBsan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NBsan/pseuds/NBsan). 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there and welcome to the last part of this series.  
> This story ignores the existence of the Fullbring Arc. Just saying.  
> Enjoy reading!

Lately Renji was thinking a lot. About things that he repressed successfully all the time. How long can a relationship between a shinigami and a human work out?

It has been five years now since he and Ichigo fell in love with each other. Ichigo already finished school long ago and worked as one of the few human workers inside the sixths divisions human world compartment. Officially he was an asset advisor for the _Otherworld Agency_. Unofficially he just did what he started years ago already: Being the errand boy for anything Renji needed and helping him with everything that he wasn’t able to finish on his own, the only difference being him getting a wage for it now.

If he would actually be a shinigami he probably would be ranked lieutenant by now.

He wasn’t, but it meant a lot to Renji to work - and live - together with Ichigo.

Since his once substitute-shinigami turned eighteen they lived together in Renjis apartment. He would have the money for something bigger by now but they decided to stay in the little apartment in unison. They didn’t need anything bigger and they had a lot of nice memories there.

Ichigo was twenty-two years old now, far from being anything resembling old yet and in the prime of his life how humans liked to say, but Renji registered a few things that changed - how _Ichigo_ changed. He became calmer, wasn’t as hot-blooded anymore and didn’t attack everything moving verbally or physically when he was in a bad mood anymore. He became… more adult. More mature. Sometimes - though still rarely - he even showed up to work in a suit.

He was smiling more often than as a teenager.

And Renji?

He was still the same since five years where nothing more than the blink of an eye for a shinigami, especially if you already lived hundred-fifty of them and still looked like you haven’t even turned twenty yet.

Kami forbid, he didn’t worry about Ichigo turning old and grey - but would Ichigo care if he still looked the same in fifty years? Not a tad older?

He always pushed away those thoughts with the plan to worry about it some other day but a few weeks ago Ichigo told him about something that left Renji in thoughts and that arose all those worries in him.

They had been lying in bed and Renji realized _again_ that his boyfriend was brooding about something - and that it had to be something serious since he usually always talked to Renji about his thoughts.

Ichigo on his back and Renji on his side next to him they were silent, Renjis hand on the muscular chest of his better half who was still smaller than him but who obtained a lot of muscle mass in the last few years. He even carried Renji around without a problem from time to time.

His fingers were moving gently across the soft, tanned skin, his mouth halfway opened in a lax way and relaxed until Ichigo reached for his hand blindly, before lifting if up and looking at his long fingers.

"Do you remember Inoue? That one girl from my high school?" he asked and Renji nodded without knowing why Ichigo was asking him that. Every shinigami knew Inoue. Sado and Ishida too. Those three were mostly talked about in the same breath as Ichigo.

"Sure. What’s up with her? Did you see her again?" Since Ichigo finished school he hasn’t really been meeting with his former school friends, at least as far as Renji knew. Ichigo nodded silently. "I randomly met her when I was grocery-shopping. She’s done with studying now." He was still playing with Renjis fingers, while he had his other arm crossed behind his head and his eyebrows drawn together as if he was in pain.

Renji kept silent and waited for Ichigo to continue talking, both curious and insecure. He wasn’t able to read the expression on his face. Better said, he wasn’t able to understand why Ichigo looked so pained when he was talking about an old school friend.

"We talked a bit. Even sat down in a café. I was done working and she had time too. Was quite interesting what she’s doing nowadays." He shrugged slightly and Renji nodded. He still didn’t understand what Ichigo was so upset about.

"Did you know that she still lives in her old apartment? On her own?" Ichigo seemed to beat around the bush - contrary to what he usually did and Renji felt him squeeze his fingers until they turned numb.

"You know, back then, in school, she was kinda in love with me. Not that I realized back then. She was way too shy as well but… well. Apparently she’s both single and still in love with me. And not _that_ shy anymore. When we left the café she tried to kiss me. I just pushed her away and told her that I’m in a happy relationship."

Again Ichigo shrugged. Renji kept silent, at least for the moment while he was wondering why Ichigo told him about that now and what he wanted to tell him with it.

"Did you ever think about being with her? I mean, back then?" he added quickly and Ichigo hit him over the head and snuggled closer to his chest, quickly, but not quick enough and Renji saw how his cheeks turned red.

"Idiot! Why should I? Weren’t you listening? I just told you that I wasn’t realizing it then. Not that it would matter. Damn, wouldn’t have told you if I would’ve known that you would consider stuff like that."

He felt Ichigos fingernails dig painfully in his skin but he just swallowed heavily and pulled the younger one against him. "Don’t stress about it. That was nothing but a thought." "Yeah. A shitty one too." Ichigo mumbled and Renji suppressed the wish to try to swallow around the lump in his throat again.

His heart was beating faster. No, he wasn’t afraid that Ichigo could leave him. Why should he be? Yes, the work was stressing them out from time to time but since they were working in the same building on the same floor they were able to see each other as often as they wanted to. Sometimes they were discussing things rather loudly - well, one might actually call it an argument - but both of them were stubborn and tried to break through walls ever so often. Most of the times they were giving in at the same time and tried to tell each other that the other one was right. The sex was still as incredibly as on the first day.

They had similar interests, similar things to talk about and more or less the same friends.

Their relationship might not be the most perfect one, but definitely more perfect than most other peoples relationships.

No, he wasn’t afraid that Ichigo would leave him. Not for a girl. Not even when she was as nice and pretty as Inoue.

But it was on this day that the thoughts occurred that pained him now. Renji would stay the way he was for a really, really long time. Many centuries would pass before he even had to _think_ about grey hair. But then Ichigo would already be dead for a long, long time. Sure, he would be in the Soul Society. Together. Forever. Wasn’t it what they wanted? Eternity? Together?

Still, lately Renji wasn’t so sure if it was the best idea they ever had.

Ichigo didn’t talk about Inoue another time and Renji didn’t think that they were meeting secretly or something like that.

Two weeks ago he caught his boyfriend flirting with Miki, the receptionist. Or maybe it wasn’t flirting at all but Renji really thought that it looked like it.

He wasn’t jealous. He really wasn’t. Not at Inoue and definitely not at Miki.

She looked way too much like the European woman from the porn video that Renji showed Ichigo all the way back then.

No, he really didn’t have to worry.

And what if Ichigo wanted to have children? Or at least a life with another human?

Yesterday Ichigos cell phone has been lying around openly on his desk when he went to the toilet.

Renji really didn’t want to look but how couldn’t he when the phone beeped so loudly and lit up like that?

He wasn’t able to read the message completely before the phone turned dark again but he was able to see that it was from Inoue.

Renji had turned pale, wished that he never even saw that message so that he could continue his life with Ichigo in ignorance and leaned back in his chair, hiding his face behind his hands and pulling his hair. For a moment he had tears in his eyes but he blinked them away quickly. It’s not like a damn message meant anything. He wrote with Matsumoto and Rukia as well but it’s not like he would want to be with them. Or have sex. He wasn’t jealous. And not distrustful either.

Still he found himself thinking about it if Ichigo was somewhat different lately. Maybe a bit more thoughtful? A bit disgruntled?

Nonsense.

For this evening he planned to get Sake. Ichigo still wasn’t that thrilled by the strong spirit but he always had a sip or two as well to make him happy und Renji loved how uncoordinated Ichigo moved and how unrestrained he turned in bed afterwards.

Well, this time he didn’t want to do it to spice up their sex.

Ichigo also became more talkative when he drank something and most of the time he didn’t remember all that much of it in the next morning. This time he wanted to make good use of that.

Maybe it wasn’t fair and mean and everything but trusting towards the younger one but again the question occurred, for how long a relationship between a shinigami and a human could work out.

"Hey Renji." Ichigos voice could be heard from the other side of the bureau and he flinched. There he was, lost in his thoughts so deeply that he didn’t even hear the door open. "Yes, handsome?" he asked quickly and Ichigo threw him a lopsided smirk. "What have you been thinking about?" he asked his boyfriend cheekily. Renji smiled weakly. "You of course." he answered, folding his hands and putting his chin on top.

With a few quick steps Ichigo crossed the room and leaned over the table to kiss him, one hand on his cheek.

Renji returned the kiss.

Was Ichigo a bit less active than usually? Was his kiss less deep and passionate? Nonsense. Speak of the devil and the devil shows up.

Slowly Renji reopened his closed eyes when Ichigos lips left his. His gaze wandered to the shoulder bag Ichigo had slung around his shoulder. "You’re leaving already?"

Ichigo rubbed his neck sheepishly. "Yep. Promised Dad to show up again." "A-Are you coming home later?" Renji asked and felt the urge rise to hit himself over the head. Ichigo went to his _family_ , not to another girl or boy. He didn’t have the right to sound so defensive and to look up at Ichigo with those puppy eyes as if the guy would think about sleeping somewhere else. Even if he would: _Family_. Not with someone else.

"Sure." Ichigo answered already. It looked like he was in a good mood. He didn’t even realize how strange Renji was acting.

They exchanged a last _See ya_ and then Ichigo was gone.

For how long could a relationship between an immortal and a human work out?

Renji was still asking himself that question when he bought a bottle of Sake in the konbini close by and he still thought about it when he stepped into the empty apartment, calling out "I’m back.", before getting out of his shoes and taking a glass of water because his throat was awfully dry and he definitely hasn’t been drinking enough today even though Ichigo told him about a hundred times how important that was.

Without much motivation he unwrapped the Sake and put some snacks onto the table before he looked for a movie that they haven’t seen yet. He turned on the flat screen and put in the DVD.

Ichigo already wrote him half an hour ago that he’d be back in an hour.

He brought cups for the Sake. No bowls this time.

He cleaned off his sweating palms on his pants before sitting down on the beanbag and leaning back his head. To be honest, he didn’t want to know what was going on. Or if. Blessed are the ignorant. He just now understood the meaning of that saying.

The title music of the movie started to play and he started the movie before pausing it. He leaned back again.

He was lost in thoughts and - so he feared - fell asleep for a bit since all of a sudden the sun was closer to the horizon than before. He woke from a key being turned in the lock and got up so abruptly that he nearly knocked over the bottle of Sake.

For a moment he was so sleep drunk that he didn’t even remember what he planned for the evening and so he stood in the door frame, grinning widely and waiting for Ichigo to come in. His significant other answered the grin with a soft smile, let the door fall back into its hinges and stepped out of his shoes while walking towards him. He wrapped his arms around Renjis hips and kissed him gently.

Renji answered it, wrapped one arm around Ichigos shoulders and put his other hand onto his cheek to pull him closer.

Cheekily Ichigo grinned up at him.

"Looks like somebody missed me." "Always." Renji smiled and played with one of those orange strands before taking the youngers face into his hands and pulling him with him, pressing short kisses against those soft lips again and again.

Ichigos gaze wandered past him to the adjusted small table with the snacks and the Sake and over to the light spreading screen.

"I can see you’ve been busy." "Oh you can bet on that." Renji grinned against the lips of the not-that-much-smaller Ichigo und pressed him down onto the beanbag before getting comfortable next to him, his head leaning against Ichigos shoulder.

"Someone up for cuddling?" Ichigo asked him, sounding amused and the redhead nodded. Not one moment later an arm wrapped around his head and pressed him closer and Renjis own arms wrapped around Ichigos hips, fishing for the remote control on Ichigos other side to start the movie.

Who knew for how long he was able to be that close to Ichigo. Or allowed to. For a moment he felt tears in the corners of his eyes but he blinked them away bravely und snuggled closer to his boyfriend.

Even though he usually loved watching action movies he barely twig anything at all this time. He was lost in thoughts and with his nose buried in Ichigos shirt while his heart felt awfully heavy.

A few more times he fought down tears and even though Ichigo probably realized that he didn’t comment on any action scene this time he probably put it down on the hard work they had.

Ichigo grabbed for the bag of chips and took a few sips of Sake.

Renji ignored the existence of both.

When the movie ended Ichigo was somewhat tipsy already. Just what he was waiting for.

It was only now that he let go of his boyfriend. His arm had fallen asleep and his shoulder was aching and there was a wide, red print on his face but he didn’t care. He was helping himself to a sip of Sake as well now while the rest of the credits moved along the screen.

He wasn’t even able to say when exactly he got into that position but at one point his head ended up in Ichigos lap and he looked up at him, smiling softly while memorizing his face. The way his hair stood on end on one side. The slim face with the slightly reddened cheeks. _I love you_ he wanted to say, simply because it was true and because he didn’t know how else he should start this conversation.

This time he didn’t have to. Ichigo started to talk on his own, his tongue loosened by the stinging rice wine that made Ichigo cough when he took another sip.

A hand was in Renjis hear and combed through the tangled strands.

"Did you ever think about having kids?" he asked Renji and the weight of the world seemed to crumple down onto his chest. "No." he answered honestly. It wasn’t that he didn’t like kids or anything like it, but when he was young he didn’t have the means for kids and since he became a shinigami he didn’t have the time for a child. Also there was nobody with which he would like to have kids. Ichigo was a guy at the end of the day. "Why not?" Ichigo asked him after taking another sip of Sake.

Renji explained it to him.

"You mean that you would impregnate me if I would be a woman?" Amused Renji watched the others ear tips turn bright red. He wasn’t blushing that often anymore but Renji still thought that he looked incredibly cute when he managed to make his boyfriend embarrassed. "Sure." Renji answered. "You would make a great Dad. Mum. Parent." he tried a few words until he found one fitting enough. The corners of Ichigos mouth twitched. "Why are you asking?" Renji forced himself to ask. Ichigo shrugged lightly. "Do _you_ wish to have kids? Renji asked him and Ichigos gaze turned other-worldly. "I don’t know." he answered gingerly before he was taking another sip of his Sake.

The short hesitation betrayed his words though. He definitely thought about it once. More often maybe.

His boyfriend was definitely drunk enough now. Gently Renji took his cup out of his hand and put it down on the table.

"You know…" he started slowly. "that you can’t have any kids with me?" "I know." the younger one answered. "But-" "And you know…" Now Renjis voice broke for a moment and he felt his eyes dwell with tears. "that I would let you go if you’d wish that."

A palm met with his cheek with a slapping sound. "Idiot." Ichigo all but hissed at him with a husky voice. "Why should I want that?" Renji shrugged. He didn’t even rub his cheek even though he felt the urge to do so.

"It’s true, Inoue is writing me quite a lot lately and sometimes… sometimes I catch myself thinking, what if, but I would never leave you for her."

It was Ichigos hand caressing his cheek now. "I love you way too much for that. And even though you can be awfully exhausting sometimes and such an Idiot… Never. Are you listening? Never."

Ichigo leaned down towards him and kissed him. Unnoticed by his boyfriend a tear ran over his cheek and down to his ear.

They had eternity together. One day Ichigo would die, like all humans did and then they were able to be together. Now it wasn’t fair to lay claim to his whole life. Not when a humans life was nothing but the blink of an eye. Measured by human standards Renji already had been an old man before Ichigo has even been born.

He pulled Ichigo closer to him and into the kiss, while his fingers ran over his face, through his hair and over every known scar and the outlines of the face that he knew better than his own.

Ichigos kiss became sluggishly. Both the Sake and the long working day became noticeable in his movements.

Renji pulled Ichigos body closer to his, the younger one snuggled against him and a short while later he already fell asleep while Renji buried his face in Ichigos shoulder and started to cry soundlessly.

He knew what he had to do. And he hated himself for it. Hated that Ichigo was a human and that he was a soul and hated that he fell for him so badly that his heart would be ripped into thousands of pieces that he would never be able to put back together. But yes, he knew what to do.

While Ichigo has been sleeping in their shared bed Renji had been sitting at the table, working out some sort of plan. Ichigo might have been drunk but Renji knew that he meant what he said, that he wouldn’t leave him for anything in this world.

So why did he wanted to do this? He already asked himself that question a few times since coming to his decision. Ichigo _wanted_ to stay with him. It wasn’t like he would force him to or anything like it.

He was scared to get hurt so he rather hurt others? Nonsense. Was he afraid that Ichigo would leave him at some point - out of whatever reasons? He really thought all high and mighty of himself to decide what would be the best for Ichigo on his own - but it would be in the long run. Maybe he didn’t want Ichigo to blame him in a few decades for missing out on things in his life because he stayed with Renji.

His head hurt because of all the thinking he did.

One thing was for sure, he couldn’t just tell Ichigo overnight that they couldn’t be together anymore.

That would be way too suspicious. Ichigo would dig deeper. He might end up thinking that someone blackmailed Renji into breaking up their relationship and would give it his all to find the non existent blackmailer to punish him. Yes, he definitely thought that his boyfriend would be doing exactly that.

If everything worked out the way it should Ichigo would only remember that they watched a movie this evening and not that they talked - and what about. That would be for the best.

Slow steps.

It would rip both their hearts out but he had to grow more distant towards Ichigo consistently. Colder. Not lighting up in a smile whenever Ichigo stepped into the room. Deny him the sex. And then he had to drop the big bomb. _I don’t love you anymore. Our relationship doesn't make any sense anymore. Let’s end this._

He knew that this would be the hardest part of it all.

Maybe he should start to take acting lessons. Maybe from Byakuya. So that nobody was able to tell that each and every of those words was a lie. He hid his face in his hands while his shoulders started to quiver silently.

When Ichigo was drunk nothing could wake him from his slumber.

He had this night to grieve and starting by tomorrow he had to play the bad boy without his facial expression slipping even once.

A sob escaped his throat and he pressed his hand onto his mouth even though he knew that Ichigo would sleep through it.

He wanted to get up but his knees were shaking way too badly and so he just crawled towards their bed sluggishly. His gaze wandered over the sleeping features of the so much younger man and his body ended up shaking in another crying fit.

With a groan he climbed onto the bed and pulled Ichigo closer, buried his wet face in the others soft hair and still wasn’t able to find any comfort in the warm body that he pressed closer to his own.

Ichigo mumbled something incomprehensible but didn’t jolt awake.

Renji was lying wide awake for a long, long time before he fell into an uneasy slumber.

In the next morning he was the first to be awake again.

Unnoticed by his still sleeping boyfriend he unraveled his body from the other one and shambled towards the bathroom.

His face was awfully puffy and his eyes had a red rim around them. His nose was filled with snot and he blew his nose several times before taking an ice cold shower. It didn’t really help. Again tears dwelled up in his eyes and he wiped them away angrily.

As quietly as possible he got ready for work. He wasn’t hungry, instead he drank a cup of coffee even though he still wasn’t that much of a fan of this drink. Usually he woke up Ichigo so that they could have breakfast together - Ichigo started work later than he did - but today he let him sleep.

He couldn’t act as if everything was okay. He would just burst into tears or something like that when Ichigo would tease him, kiss him or throw him a sparkling, love drunken gaze.

His lips were quivering and he pressed them into a thin line.

Slowly he snuck up to the bed and shook his shoulder gently. A grumble could be heard and Ichigo turned to the other side.

"Hey, you have to get up." he told the younger one with a surprisingly calm voice and Ichigo blinked, confused, while Renji already had his back turned to him. He couldn’t look him into his eyes now.

"You’re leaving already?" he could hear Ichigo grumble, still drunk with sleep and he nodded, already in the hallway to put on his shoes. "Yes. I’m late. Have to go. See ya." He was too hard on him. He was too suspicious. But he was rather sure that he would start to cry if he would let any emotion into his voice.

"Okay." he still heard Ichigo say before he let the door fall back into the lock. He leaned against it for a moment, then he left the house in a flight before Ichigo could follow him.

Ichigo must have realized that Renji was everything but late for work. Maybe not. He still looked rather hangover when he got into the bureau, pressed a kiss to Renjis lips and sat down at his desk.

"You didn’t even wake me up." he said into the silence of the room and sounded so confused and indignant that Renji nearly laughed. "Yeah. Sorry." he said, still bend over a piece of paper the he was working on right now. "You slept so sweetly, I didn’t want to wake you." he excused himself and Ichigo accepted it and rubbed his neck while the hint of a smile moved across his face. Renji answered it gingerly.

Baby steps.

Not from one moment to the next.

A month later Renji realized that he already grew a lot colder. Not only towards Ichigo but everyone else around him.

It wasn’t even really his fault. In order to become different towards Ichigo he had to do the same with anyone, had to hide behind a mask. Ichigo was rather confused when Renji refused the sex for the first time even though his dick said something else.

And with nothing but the lame excuse of _I’m tired_. "O-Okay." Ichigo had said, a bit overwhelmed and rubbing his neck while his brown eyes were searching Renjis face for the real reason of the refusal or if he was actually tired. Renji pressed a kiss to his lips in a try of reconciliation and actually went to bed afterwards even though he wasn’t tired at all. He had to keep appearances.

He was still lying wide awake an hour later, listening to Ichigo cleaning up the kitchen, taking a shower afterwards and then reading a book before he crawled into bed.

Renji had flinched and moved away a bit, eyes closed as if he did it while sleeping and he had felt Ichigos sad look in his neck and how he sunk down onto his back with a quiet sigh a little bit offside before pulling the blanket over himself.

Sadness and confusion were hanging above them like a heavy cloud and for the first time since his decision to enable Ichigo a real human life a tear ran down his cheek again and oozed away into the pillow.

Oh Kami, he would have loved nothing more than to turn around to Ichigo and press his body next to his but he withstood the temptation.

A month later they had so little sex that Renjis body was aflame with every single little touch and all jerking off in this world didn’t make it any better.

Ichigo had tried to talk with him about it but he blocked each of his attempts, while his face became hard first before he told him with a smile that never reached his eyes, that everything was alright. He even sounded rather convincing by now.

Ichigo didn’t believe him.

Once Ichigo jumped over his hips and pressed him to the floor, threatening him to tie him to the bed until Renji told him what’s going on and Renji threw Ichigo off of him harshly and hissed a "Don’t touched me!" Ichigo shied away, looking frightened while Renji stormed out of the room and locked himself in the bathroom because his heart was trying to beat out of his chest and his body was burning and he wanted sex so badly that it took his breath away.

A few weeks later it was rather similar and he just jumped to his feet and fled from the apartment.

He had heard how Ichigo tried to follow him and he changed to his soul body without further ado and used shunpo to get far away as quickly as possible.

He spent the night in a bar where he got drunk so badly that he wasn’t able to look straight anymore before he was stumbling to the bureau of the sixth division and slept in the common room on the sofa, way too exhausted to cry. He locked himself into a single office room on the next day and told Rikichi that nobody - absolutely _nobody_ \- was allowed to disturb him, not even when the whole damn human world went up in flames.

Renji didn’t go home on this evening either. On the next day Ichigo caught him when he had to go to the toilet - even an immortal shinigami had those lower needs - and before Renji knew it Ichigo pulled him into the next office when he left the toilet - their own office - and sunk to his knees, pressed his face into Renjis pant leg and begged him to come back home. That he didn’t knew what he did wrong but that it would get better and that he would do everything for him.

Oh Kami he loved that man so much. Still, he wasn’t even able to look at him. He wasn’t capable to look into that desperate, wet with tears face of the younger one who clung to his leg and sobbed into the rough fabric of his not-that-fresh pants. "Okay." he had said without much excitement in his voice.

When did he become so cold? There was no emotion in his voice anymore. His bottom lip had quivered for a moment but he just swallowed down the upcoming sob and there weren’t even any tears.

"Would you let go of me now?" he asked, his voice still without any emotion. Damn, Byakuya was a real deluge of emotion in comparison to him right now.

He felt how Ichigo shook his head. "Never. I won’t let go of you." And instead the others grip tightened until it became close to painful and Renjis heart would’ve burst into thousands of pieces now if there would’ve been something left alive enough to break.

Composed he looked down at the young man that still clung to his leg as if his life depended on it.

With a sigh he bent forward a bit to pry his hands away with more force than he would’ve used a month before. He bent further still, holding Ichigos wrists in his own hands. Maybe there was still something alive inside of him. Maybe there was something breaking inside of him. When Ichigo looked up at him, eyes red and puffy and his cheeks wet with his tears, shaking and so confused and sad - yes, maybe something did break inside of him. "I just told you I’m coming back home." He had troubles forming the words _back home_. "Now come on, get up, we’ve got some work to do."

This time he saw something break inside _Ichigos_ eyes. _Are you happy now?_ he asked himself. _Now you got him almost there where you wanted him._ No. He wasn’t happy.

Abruptly he let go of Ichigos hands and stood up, walked to his desk and sat down before pulling a report from the stack. He didn’t look up but Ichigo still knelt on the floor and a few minutes passed, before he got up real quietly and stumbled to his desk with lowered shoulders.

Ichigo neither looked nor spoke to him all day long and Renji was glad about it. No way would be have been able to stand his gaze.

On this evening Ichigo went back home over punctually. He stood at the door for a moment, looking back at Renji, his face pale and haggard but he didn’t say anything. "I’ll be there." Renji said in a voice as if he would talk about his day to a stranger.

Ichigo just nodded before leaving the bureau quietly.

The door barely even fell into its lock before Renjis facade crumpled.

His face sank down onto the table top while a mental breakdown washed over him.

He did promise _that_ he would come back home but he didn’t promise _when_ exactly. It was shortly after midnight when he stepped into the apartment. He thought about going out for a drink but decided against it.

With a tired glance to the bed he realized that Ichigo was already asleep. Quietly he walked into the kitchen and drank a glass of water - his head was hurting rather awfully - before taking a piss and climbing into bed, wearing a shirt and sweat pants.

He then realized that Ichigo wasn’t asleep after all. He flinched. Renji left some space between them, even when Ichigo turned around slowly, onto his back first and then to his other side. He was still wearing his clothes.

The younger ones cheeks were wet and his eyes tear-swollen and right in this moment another tear rolled down his nose and dripped into the pillow.

A suppressed sob could be heard when Ichigo stretched out his arm towards him. He didn’t move.

To be honest he wasn’t really able to remember if he ever saw Ichigo cry. Tears of lust - all the time. But like this? "Please." he heard a voice, so pressed and contorted that he didn’t recognize it as Ichigos. "Please." he said again, his voice barely audible this time.

He knew what Ichigo tried to say. He heard it in his voice. Please take me into your arms. Please don’t push me away again. Please tell me what I did wrong. Please love me.

For a moment he closed his eyes, pinched them close and tried to fade out the younger one. A barely suppressed sob destroyed his self-control. When he opened his eyes again he realized that Ichigos eye lids sank down, just like his arm that he was now moving to his face to hide it behind his hand.

A heartbeat later Renji inched closer gingerly and just as gingerly he wrapped an arm around Ichigos shoulders.

Ichigo buried his face into his shirt and Renji held him close, not as close as he wished to, but a little.

"What did I do wrong?" he could hear Ichigo say obscurely through the snot in his nose and his choked with tears voice. "Tell me, please. I-I can’t do this anymore. I can’t take it anymore."

So that was the moment?

Renji sighed soundlessly and closed his eyes, pulled in his lovers breath one last time before lying with a quiet voice: "I’m sorry, I should have told you earlier. I don’t feel anything for you anymore."

He felt Ichigo flinch violently like he was punched and the shoulders underneath his arm started to shake.

"Please don’t." his muffled voice died away against his shoulder while Ichigo shook his head violently. "Please don’t say that. I-I can change. Tell me what I did wrong, please, _please_."

Renji shook his own head. "You did nothing wrong." he said and Ichigo pressed his face harder into Renjis chest and Renji let him cry.

He himself was completely drained. Incapable of any reaction.

He just wished it all to be over, for Ichigo to leave so that he could drink himself into a coma in a quiet corner with a bottle of Sake.

Pushing Ichigo away he sat up. "I think I better leave." he said but Ichigo already clung to his back, arms wrapped around his neck and chest.

"Please, give me a chance." the younger one begged him while pressing kisses against his neck that were both wet from his tears and breathless. "Do with me whatever you want but don’t go, please."

Renji stood up abruptly and shook off Ichigo with this movement. One said that if you kept telling yourself a lie that it became the truth after a while and that if you get your head into something, for example if you imagined hard enough to become ill, you’d become ill.

He was telling himself for so long that he didn’t love Ichigo that the desperate love testimonies of the other disgusted him.

"Don’t touch me." he squeezed out, his eyebrows drawn together and Ichigo sank back onto the bed while Renji started to look for things that he might need. Ichigo could have the apartment. It meant nothing to him without the younger one.

Then Ichigo was faster than him.

He was swaying more than he was standing and he had an arm stretched out to touch him, Renji could feel the gust of air, but the touch never came. "I-I’m going. This place is yours." he was able to hear Ichigos stifled voice and then the younger one had stormed past him already. A moment later the door fell into its lock.

Renji sank down onto his knees were he stood while quiet tears ran down his cheeks.

He pressed his forehead against the floor and fell heavily onto his side. That’s were he stayed.

Ichigo didn’t appear to work on the next day.

He didn’t come the day after either. Renji didn’t ask, didn’t call and didn’t even report him sick or anything.

In return he got countless messages onto his cell phone. Messages and calls. He didn’t answer them and didn’t look at the dozens of text messages and a day later they stopped.

He himself didn’t manage half as much work as he was supposed to in these days.

What was he still doing in the human world? Nothing kept him here. He should just pull up stakes and go back into the Soul Society. There, where souls belonged.

A few days later the door nearly exploded into his face when he tried to leave the office room.

Before he could as much as react a punch threw him to the ground, a punch so severe that something in his nose broke and his jaw felt weirdly numb.

A hand grabbed him by his shirt and pulled him up before another punch hit him, this time against his cheek bone, closely underneath his eye.

A punch hitting him from underneath his chin had his head flying back and he hung limply in the arms of the person that tried to end his miserable being.

He recognized him right after the first punch. Shiba-san. Kurosaki Isshin. Ichigos father.

And he deserved each and every of those punches. He didn’t fight back even though he would have been able to physically. His arms just hung down limply and his only reaction was to spit out blood and to curl up, gasping for air when the hand holding him up let go of him and he fell onto his back before a heel bore down into his solar plexus with a lot of momentum and took away his breath.

Somehow he got into a fetal position, still gasping for air and waiting for more punches to come but they never did.

Breathing heavily Isshin grabbed him by his collar and pushed his back against the wall, pressing him back and doing something that was probably medical and that Renji had no idea about but the stinging in his chest spread all over his thorax while he still struggled for air.

He wasn’t able to see that much. Stars danced in front of his eyes and for a moment he feared that he became blind before the world got back into focus, even though rather blurred.

Without really realizing it he tipped over again and leaned heavily against the other man. Blood dripped from his nose and didn’t want to stop, his jaw cracked audibly when he opened his mouth and he wasn’t really able to see anything from his left eye, it already was swollen shut that much.

"I swear I could kill you for what you did to my son." he heard Isshin growl but it took a few moments until Renji was able to get out: "I don’t stop you."

Again he felt the world fade to black when Isshin stood up so abruptly that he fell onto his side. He stayed like that while Isshin was circling in his office, restless and pulling his hair. "Damn I can’t make any sense of you." he hissed at the redhead. "I could have sworn you were serious about him. My son already went through enough shit and then you happened!"

An angry kick hit his upper thigh but he just flinched sluggishly. The numbness that took over in the last few days and weeks gave way abruptly and left him as a bitterly crying bundle.

"And the crazy part is that I don’t think that I was wrong. Why are you doing this to him? And to you, while we’re at it?"

Renji didn’t find the strength to talk. In the end Isshin just knelt down next to him and patted his shoulder helplessly.

His body hurt from the punches but his heart was worse. He needed an infinite amount of minutes until he calmed down and lied on his side exhausted and silent.

"Did you ever realize," he started, awfully slow and barely understandable, "how he has changed? He’s become an adult. And I’m still the same, still the one I was hundred years ago and how I’m still going to be in another hundred years. He talked about kids. And from a girl he was in school with. He would’ve never been able to leave me. I know him. A humans life is so short. How can I take it for myself with a clear conscience?" His heavy eyelids sunk down.

Isshin leaned against the wall with a sigh, kneels pulled to his body and lost in thoughts. "I would love to say that I understand the way you think but shouldn’t you let Ichigo make decisions like that?" "He isn’t able to. He is ripped apart by two things that he wants and that he can’t have both." "And then you just take that decision into your own hands? What gives you the right to do so?" Renji kept silent. He didn’t know. "He’s not supposed to regret in a few years that his life was different from how he wanted it to be. He’s a human, he belongs in this world. It’s for the best if he just forgets about me."

His voice became quieter.

Sluggishly he fought to get up to his knees and felt every bone in his body. Slumped he stayed like that. "I’m not made to be a captain. I’ll give the post to someone more capable than me. I’m going back into the Soul Society." Isshin stayed silent. "Maybe… Maybe I’m so lucky to see him again in the Soul Society after the course of his life span. Maybe he forgave me until then."

With a heavy groan Renji hauled himself up.

"You throw away the time with Ichigo just like that?" Renji shook his head, still turned away from the older Kurosaki. "Never. The last years were the best in my whole life." "And still you just want to disappear without even saying your goodbyes? There’s nothing that you want to tell him?"

With his face puffy Renji turned around. "There’s nothing that I can say without making it even more painful that it is for both him and me. I would’ve loved nothing more but to give up everything and to live in this world but that’s not physically possible. Your son was the only thing keeping me in this world. A part of me always knew that it won’t be forever but I kept it silent and savored every second I had with him. Ichigo is an adult now. He has other goals. One day he’ll have forgotten about me and be happy." "And you?" "I’m a shinigami. I got a job." "And that’s enough for you?"

Renji didn’t say anything.

"Don’t tell him about our conversation. It would only make it harder. I’ll be gone by the end of the day. I’ll make sure that Ichigo gets back his stuff he has at my place. Or he can keep the apartment if he wants it because I don’t. Thank you for everything Shiba-san. Neither Ichigo nor me would be here if not for you. But now leave me be, please."

The former shinigami bowed silently before Renji. A hard gaze struck him that Renji wasn’t able to read before Isshin gave him a curt nod and left the office.

With slow steps he made his way back to his desk to write his dismissal.

He didn’t stay to do more paperwork.

On the early afternoon he changed into his soul body, brought Urahara the gigai and ordered him to destroy it before he opened a gate and changed worlds without looking back.


	2. Fifty years later

Renji was working since nearly ten years as the third seat of the ninth division when he heard about Ichigos death. It wasn’t coincidence that he learned about it though. He himself might have avoided any contact to the human world meticulously but he made sure that Rikichi kept an eye on Ichigo.

He knew that Ichigo married Inoue three years after he fled the human world and that he had three children, an older son, a girl and then another son, that all inherited Dads orange hair, the girl her mothers eyes and the youngest boy his Teen Dads grumpy behavior.

He knew that Inoue was working at a place that had something to do with Biology - he still wasn’t able to remember the name correctly even after all this years - and that Ichigo helped his father in the little hospital.

He knew each birthday of all of his kids and later from his two grandchildren too.

Now, fifty-eight years, five months and sixteen days after he met Ichigo for the first time on his first trip to the human world, Rikichi reported to him that Ichigo died, apparently off some sort of lung disease that plagued him since a few years and two years after his wife.

He was surprised that he didn’t feel anticipation or luck but mostly grief.

Renji got himself a day off - he worked pretty much non-stop for the last fifty years, he was allowed to have _one_ day for himself - and went back to the human world for the first time in half a century. It was late autumn and Karakura was buried underneath a thick layer of dead foliage. Ichigo told him a lot back in the days how he despised autumn. It was cold and windy and it darkened early and everything around them died. He thought that he understood what Ichigo meant by now.

Even though Rikichi wrote him which cemetery Ichigo was buried at he took his time and wandered the city. A wave of nostalgia swapped over him when he saw the well known places. He even walked past their old apartment, just to realize that the nameplate of some unknown family was on the door. Of course. On this occasion he was wondering if he even resigned from the rental contract and if not, who did. Maybe the police had been looking for him because he went missing just like that and if only because he didn’t pay for the rent.

He swallowed and hoped that Ichigo hadn’t had any problems because of his carelessness.

He even walked past the Kurosaki-hospital where he stopped abruptly and nearly called out "Ichigo!" until the man turned around and he realized that the affinity to Ichigo was undeniable but that his chin was less clear-cut and his eyebrows a bit wider and his eyes had longer lashes. The man getting into the car with a little suitcase might be counting forty human years. Probably one of Ichigos sons.

A little girl, maybe around nine years old, came running from the house and knocked against the door of the car and the man reopened it again and bent over with a soft smile to press a kiss to her forehead before he ruffled her hair. She waved happily when the man drove off.

With a few tears in the corners of his eyes he looked at Ichigos grandchild before turning around and walked away. Neither the little girl nor the man had recognized the weird figure with the red hair, the black uniform and the long sword by his side.

Even if Ichigo wasn’t able to see ghosts and shinigami anymore, Inoue most definitely was. It looked like this skill didn’t got inherited by those two.

It was for the better. Better for their salvation.

Humans shouldn’t deal with shinigami. Or hollows.

With a sniff he wiped the tears from the corners of his eyes before making his way to the cemetery. He knew this place. It was where Ichigos Mum was buried too. They often went to visit her grave back then.

He even knew the way there by heart.

He didn’t even have to look long for Ichigos grave - he was lying right next to the rest of his family.

An old woman stood next to the family grave, hands folded and lost in either grief or thoughts, Renji wasn’t sure.

She turned her gaze towards him when he came closer, not thinking anything of it.

He flinched imperceptibly and called himself an idiot. He should’ve waited. It was only now that he vaguely recognized her as Karin, Ichigos younger sister.

Her hair was grey and she had it put up into a bun. Her clothes were black. With a quiet sniffle she wiped a tear off her wrinkled face.

"You." she said, her voice shaky and smoky, the one of an old woman.

"I know you. You are the shinigami that was with Ichi-Nii - and who left him."

He already feared that the old lady would attack him with her purse but she kept standing there, supported by her cane and settled for staring at him angrily.

Renji lowered his gaze to Ichigos grave, folded his hands briefly and prayed that his soul hasn’t had any problems getting into the Soul Society.

With a sigh he lowered his arms again, putting his left onto the grip of his zanpakuto. "Did he have a good life? A happy one?" he asked with a coarse voice and the old woman thought about his question for a moment. "Yes." she finally said. "Then I did everything just right." the shinigami said with a slight smile on his lips.

Again - maybe for the first time in the last fifty years - a tear ran down his cheek.

Karin gazed at him warily. "Did you love him?" Renji pulled up his nose and nodded, his eyes closed. "More than anything else." "Why did you leave him then? I’ve never seen Ichi-Nii desperate like that." Quickly Renji wiped away the tears from his cheeks.

"I saw his son today. And his granddaughter. Do you really believe that they would exist if I would’ve stayed with him? Look at me. I’m two hundred years old and barely look like twenty and you are old and Ichigo is dead and his son looks older than me and his granddaughter will be looking like my older sister in a few years."

The woman was silent for a little while. She didn’t even look like she was angry at him for calling him old.

"You know, these days I understand - but back then I would have killed you if you wouldn’t have disappeared." He laughed softly. "Your father said the same when he tried it back then." That seemed to take her by surprise. "Dad has talked to you?" Renji nodded and laughed again. "And he beat me up so badly I was on the sickbed for two weeks." With a nostalgic smile he looked up. "I deserved it."

"Yes, you did." she nodded.

He swallowed heavily. "Did he… do you know, if he ever forgave me?" Karin was silent, then she shook her head and Renjis shoulders sagged. "I don’t know. He never ever talked about you again." Renji just nodded.

They shared a moment of silence.

"Are you going to look for him? In the Soul Society?" Karin asked him and it was only now that Renji turned his gaze into her direction. "I will. Definitely. I just had to make sure that he - you know? - has gone. From here."

Karin nodded. "That he did. But peacefully." Renji smiled again. "That’s good." The old woman started to hobble into his direction and grabbed him by the arm with a surprising firm grip. "Find him and take care of him. If you don’t, I’ll find you. I’m old and weak. I will follow my siblings in not too long. I’ll make your life living hell."

He just nodded seriously. "You wouldn’t have needed to threaten me for me to take care of him. Don’t be in a hurry to die." He bowed before her, maybe a bit too deep for her social status before retreating with a slight smile and opening a gate to the world of the souls.

With a last glance to the old woman and the way too big family grave he walked through the gate.

Ichigo was dead. He now had to find him in the giant world of the souls

They said that a Gotei thirteen captain didn’t get released from his job. He either died in battle or was dishonorably dismissed like Byakuya or outcasted like Urahara or changed sides like Aizen. You just didn’t stop being a captain.

There was no other case like his own, at least as far as he knew.

He had no idea how he was able to resign from his post and then still be able to work as a shinigami and why nobody ever said anything to him about it.

In either case, he might not be a captain anymore but he did have importance and quite a lot of it too.

It wasn’t really possible for a single shinigami to search the whole of the Soul Society for a single soul. The ninth division patrolled the Rukongai nowadays to keep the order in check and soon enough everyone from his division knew what kind of reiatsu - however weak - they had to look for.

There weren’t any reasons for a sudden search at this extent and because of nothing but a single person but Renji was well respected and maybe partly even infamous but liked from pretty much everyone. It wasn’t a real contract, more a request and nobody refused it.

It took an awfully long month in which Renji wandered the streets of countless districts by himself in his free time until a report ended up on his desk that was talking about a possible sighting of the searched reiatsu in Sabitsura, the sixty-fourth district of East-Rukongai.

The report was most likely two days old by now when it came from that far away.

Still, he knew from experience that most souls stayed in their district when they found themselves a place to live.

He didn’t know todays Ichigo but he guessed that the young Ichigo would’ve wandered around just to get settled in a place he liked and where he had people that he knew. He shouldn’t rely on the fact that Ichigo was still there but he hurried through his work before getting his zanpakuto - no shinigami ever left without - and started to run to the east.

It rather shocked him that Ichigo ended in a district this far away. That place might be better than Inuzuri back then but not by much.

For the first time in a while he felt his heart beat violently against his ribcage.

He wanted to scream out of luck and cry and at the same time and his heart contorted at the thought of how well or bad Ichigo would take his sudden appearance.

It already was early evening when Renji finally made it to Sabitsura but he didn’t take a break, instead he wandered the streets, slower now as not to miss anything.

Wary gazes met him from everywhere. No wonder. Shinigami weren’t seen too often even though they patrolled again and again. Or liked to be seen. They were the elites, the ones that had everything while others suffered and fought for survival.

Untiring he kept walking even after the sun went down and the booth sellers closed down their digs. He couldn’t, wouldn’t give up so easily.

He saw a pair of shinigami from his division and greeted them before asking if they knew anything of the searched reiatsu nearby. They weren’t able to help him but promised to keep their eyes open.

Sabitsura was big and so Renji expanded his rounds, listening to each and every gust of reiatsu that he could feel close by but he found nothing.

Maybe Ichigo was asleep already. Then he would only be able to feel his reiatsu if he was as close as a few yards. He might have gotten better, his bankai might have gotten better, maybe even his kidou-skills - but he was still awfully bad in feeling up reiatsu.

Resigned he loosened his sword belt from his obi and sat down heavily at the side of the street, the sword pinned into the sand next to him.

He had to go back. Tomorrow there was supposed to be a team meeting from the ten highest ranked shinigami of his division. He was part of them and the meeting was starting in the morning.

He leaned his forehead against the grip of his zanpakuto and took a few deep breaths, resigned and tired and sad about not being able to find Ichigo today.

Maybe it was all false alarm. Maybe it hasn’t been Ichigos reiatsu after all. It’s not like his subordinates really knew what Ichigos reiatsu felt like.

With a sigh he fought to get back onto his feet. He should look for a place he could stay at and look some more in the morning before he had to hurry back to the Seireitei.

Dragging his zanpakuto behind himself he walked through the streets until he found a house that rented rooms.

The man behind the counter turned awfully pale first when he got in and told him to get out right afterwards.

Resigned Renji left, not in any mood for a fight.

In a dark alley he sat down next to a dog that growled at him at first and a sleeping man who was so lightly dressed that he was shivering in his sleep.

With a long look to the shaking bundle Renji got out of his kosode and his shitagi, put the shitagi over the sleeping mans body and climbed back into the black fabric before he leaned against the wall to take a nap.

At the first rays of dusk he was back to his feet, slightly shivering as well now - the night has been awfully cold - and surprisingly with all of his belongings still on him. Maybe the dog kept the night owls away.

The old man was still sleeping and - just to make sure - he took a closer look onto his face but it wasn’t Ichigo.

With stiff limbs he walked through Sabitsura some more, taking other routes and walking through the market district again but there still wasn’t any trace of Ichigo and so he made his way back to the Seireitei heavy hearted.

He had no idea why his wish was granted but two weeks later he managed to get the permission for an expedition to Sabitsura that he was allowed to lead.

Each free hour he had - which weren’t that many to be honest - he had spent in Sabitsura to look for Ichigo - up to now still without any results.

He hoped to find the time during this one week expedition to search every damn nook of the sixty-fourth district.

Originally they had another goal but again he asked his comrades to look for the reiatsu that they were looking for all the time.

One of the younger ones in the squad who was with the shinigami since only a few years had asked Renji: "Couldn’t you at least give us a description of the one we’re looking for, Abarai-san?" He had just smiled wistfully. "I haven’t seen him in over fifty years. I have no idea what he looks like today." That had silenced the younger shinigami and his shoulders had sagged. "I-I’m sorry to hear that. Was he important to you?" Renji had just nodded. "A lot." "Then I hope that you will find him Sir. I’ll give my best to find him!" That motivated the other shinigami and Renji went to work with a less heavy heart as usual. A heavy thunder storm demolished many of the shacks here - very few could be considered real houses - and they helped diligently to whip them back into shape.

The ninths captain didn’t gave them all that much time because there was a lot of work to do without expeditions like that but Renji was glad that they were able to help. When he was young he would have wished that the shinigami sent people into the district to help them with things like this.

The week was almost over and Renji used every free minute to either saw and move wood or to look for Ichigo unsuccessfully when the young shinigami came running towards him while he was having a little break, sweating, holding a clay cup filled with fresh, cold water in his hand and with his kosode around his hips so that his upper body was glistening with sweat in the sunlight.

As he found out the other mans name was Hiyama. "Abarai-san!" the young man had been screaming from afar while his black hair had been flying after him and he barely avoided some passerbys rather clumsily before coming to a halt in front of him in a slide, breathing heavily.

"I found him!" the young man gasped and Renji blinked. Just this morning they had been talking about one of the local residents missing his adopted son and Renji thought that Hiyama was talking about him at first. "Your friend. I found him." he said again when Renji understood nothing and stayed silent.

Renjis heart pounced. "What?" he whispered and the clay cup fell from his fingers and clattered to the ground without him really realizing it.

"Where? Where?!" he just about screamed at the younger man excitedly and he already pointed in some direction and had problems with following his superior when Renji started running as if stung by an adder and climbing back into his kosode while doing so.

"Right!" he heard the younger one groan behind him when Renji nearly went full speed ahead at the next crossroad and Renji came to a sliding halt, stumbled and nearly fell when he changed the direction abruptly.

For a bit more than five minutes they races through small alleyways and Hiyamas katana threw a clay vase from one of the market stands. Renji made sure to remember that he was going to pay for it later but now he didn’t have the time.

"Stop!" Hiyama groaned behind of Renji and Renji came to a sliding stop, breathing heavily while Hiyama stumbled closer.

"B-Back there… Tea house… Sits inside…" he gasped and Renji wrapped his arms around the gasping, surprised Hiyama and pressed him close for a moment. "Thanks!" he whispered with a shaky voice. "Go back to the others."

Then he let go of the younger man and turned around to walk solemnly around the corner.

He saw the tea house, all the way on the other end of the street.

Desperate he tried to calm down his breathing while his feet became faster again.

He was still about a hundred yards away when he felt Ichigos reiatsu. Weakly only. He was too far away and Ichigos reiatsu not as strong as it has been before when he was a shinigami.

His whole body felt electric and he had to stop to rub his eyes and walk a few circles.

The few people on the street threw his strange glances but stayed far away from him.

Again and again he wiped off following tears and leaned against the wall of a house. He needed a few minutes until he calmed down again and found both the bravery and the power to get closer to the tea house.

He was still a few yards away when a man stepped out of it.

He had grey hair. A bit shorter than Ichigo wore it back then. Deep lines were drawn in his face but he wasn’t wrinkled in a way that Karin was.

His eyes were sunken a bit and his shoulders too and he supported himself on a way too short stick with every careful step.

There was a relaxed expression on his face. The dirty-brown yukata he wore was properly closed and - just like everyone in the lower districts - he was walking around barefoot.

And he was walking straight into Renjis direction.

Renji suppressed an upcoming sob and swallowed it down while he was unable to take his gaze from the old man wearing Ichigos facial features, even though peaceful now and not scowling like back in the days.

Renji licked his dry lips curtly, his breath became faster. What should he tell him? How apologize? Would Ichigo be very mad at him? Just now he looked like butter wouldn’t melt in his mouth, as if he would never harm a fly.

Slowly they got closer to each others and Ichigos brown eyes landed upon him, looked at his shinigami uniform and when they were close enough the thin lips pulled up in a friendly smile and he gave Renji a curt nod as a greeting before walking past him.

Renji stayed rooted to the spot, staring after the old man.

It was Ichigo. It was his reiatsu. It was his looks. Did… Didn’t he recognize him? That was impossible. He _had_ to.

Something broke inside of Renjis heart when he kept staring and saw Ichigo nod at some other stranger standing by the street and sweeping the floor in the same way that he himself had been greeted.

If only Ichigo would’ve attacked him angrily and insulted him. But… he didn’t even recognize him.

The former high he was in crumpled and past like it never had been there. A deep sadness overtook him and he sank to the ground by the side of the road.

He buried his face in his hands.

Now he found him again - and still didn’t have him.

He had followed Ichigo nevertheless, with quite some distance between them and a heavy heart.

He was rather suspicious but he could just stay out of sight and follow the traces of his reiatsu.

Renji followed his traces until he was standing across from a little ramshackled cottage. Ichigos home now as it seemed.

He stayed close by for a few hours in which Ichigos reiatsu was awfully calm. Looked like he was sleeping.

Around evening he got back to his squad. It was Hiyama who got up to talk to him. "Was it him?" he asked his leader in a thin voice and Renji only nodded, faking a wide grin but with tears in his eyes. "That’s good. I’m so glad you found him." the younger one had said before bowing in front of him and retreating with his bowl of food.

Renji retreated as well. He wasn’t hungry at all.

On the next day they pulled up stacks. Renji was done with everything soon enough and went back to the little cottage. Out of the shadows he watched Ichigo carrying back a stack of firewood back to his hut that was way too heavy for the old man, limping and using his stick for help.

Renjis heart became heavy. He would have liked to help him but stopped himself from doing so. He didn’t have the mental power to face Ichigo.

Back in the Seireitei he jumped head-first into work. Still he couldn’t help himself, again and again he went back to Sabitsura and watched Ichigo, how he shared crums of bread with some children or had a friendly conversation with the old man that Renji gave his shitagi back then and which he was still wearing even though it was twice his size and really dirty by now.

When Ichigo wasn’t by his cottage but somewhere else Renji walked to his little place, refilled the firewood and brought a few buckets of water into the house.

It was rather minimalistic. Ichigo literally only owned the things he was wearing.

The first time he stayed hidden and watched Ichigos return the old man startled rather badly when he saw the tall as a man stack of wood. He looked around hectically and gazed at the stack warily but soon enough a smile lit up his face whenever he returned just to find firewood and his buckets refilled.

Often enough Renji brought him a loaf of bread or some apples and always Ichigo shared it with the kids nearby.

Renji brought him a pair of shoes and a new yukata but when he came back the next time, Ichigo was still wearing his old yukata and walked barefoot. Instead he saw the shoes on the old man with his shitagi and the yukata on a young woman with a big baby belly.

It really brought him close to tears. Ichigo. Still so damn selfless.

He didn’t show himself but stayed a secret benefactor.

One day he watched how Ichigo tripped a man.

A little boy had been running past Ichigo, his arms full of apples and half a loaf of bread, a boy that reminded Renji way too much on his younger self. Ichigo had stopped and looked after him when the man - obviously stolen from and obviously chasing the boy - hurried around the corner, swearing loudly.

Quick-witted Ichigo had stretched out his leg and the man had fallen to the ground longitudinally and the boy was over the hill and far away.

Swearing the man jumped to his legs but Ichigo stayed calm and rubbed his neck with a sheepish smile.

"Oh, forgive me Sir." he had said and bowed deeply. "I’m afraid I stumbled a bit." "I show you _stumbling_ you old fool!" the shop owner had hissed loudly, grabbed Ichigo by the collar of his yukata and pushed him against the next wall. Renji had made a quick step forward but before he even managed to help Ichigo another man stepped in and pulled the angry shop owner from Ichigo.

"Leave him be. Haven’t you heard him? He stumbled."

Angrily the man moved away and the one who helped Ichigo bowed curtly before Ichigo with an amused glint in his eyes before continuing on his way.

Ichigo had answered the bow with a smile. It looked like the guy was still able to find friends everywhere.

It was something so typical for Ichigo that Renji sunk to the floor where he stood while tears ran down his face. This cheekiness. How he helped the boy. The polite bow with the excuse might belong to the older Ichigo but it was still Ichigo.

Maybe Ichigo heard him cry or maybe he was walking into his direction in the first place - either way, Renji flinched when steps came closer and with a blurred look upwards he realized that it was Ichigo standing in front of him, his face looking rather shocked. "Oh, it’s the Shinigami-san." he was greeted. "Are you alright, young man?"

That only mad Renji sob louder and he bit down on his bottom lip and lowered his head.

With a groan Ichigo knelt down next to him and a moment later he was taken into his arms. Ichigo smelt like earth and sweat and beneath it still like himself and Renjis shoulders shook and he cried because he was so close to Ichigo without him knowing him and because nobody took him into his arms in the last fifty years and because the way Ichigo acted touched him. He didn’t move. He had no right to hug a stranger, however much he would have loved to.

"Shh." A small hand moved calmingly across his muscular back. "It will be alright again. Life isn’t easy but I’m sure it will become better for you soon." Ichigo tried to cheer him up.

He just nodded silently. What else was he supposed to say?

The minutes passed while he had his face hidden in Ichigos yukata and the tears died down slowly and some sort of resignation took over.

Carefully he pulled away from the other man and Ichigo let go of him.

"What’s your name, young man?" Ichigo asked him and the question nearly brought tears to his eyes again. "Renji." he said with a rough voice. "Abarai Renji." He watched Ichigos face but there was no recognition, not by seeing his face, not by hearing his name, not by listening to his voice. "Renji." the old man said. "That’s a good name. I’m called Kurosaki Ichigo." He nodded, his eyes closed and took a deep breath. "Y-You also have a good name." he whispered before getting up slowly and patting the dust from his clothes.

He grabbed for Ichigos hand and helped him to his feet when he saw that the old man had troubles getting back up. "Thank you." Ichigo bowed before him. "I have to thank you." Renji mumbled flatly and bowed as well.

"I’m afraid that I don’t have that much time since I’m meeting with an old friend of mine but I hope, that your day changes for the better." Ichigo wished him and Renji nodded silently. "You have a nice day as well." Renji wished him quietly and bowed again while Ichigo smiled at him and was on his way a moment later. Renji stayed in the bow while tears rose back into his eyes.

With slow steps he made his way back to the Seireitei. His heart was hurting. Why didn’t Ichigo remember him? Usually souls knew who they were in their last life and who they have known.

The way back was long and it already was late evening until he was back in the Seireitei.

Without realizing it his steps led him to an estate that he never before saw from the inside and whose owner he never wanted to see again originally.

He knocked against the heavy wooden door and waited for a servant to open up. "Who are you and what do you wish at such an hour?" the man asked disgruntled.

"Abarai Renji. I have to speak to Byakuya-sama." he answered, his gaze on the others shoes. "Ah. I heard of you. You once were his subordinate. Following rumors it is your fault that Byakuya-sama had to retreat from his shinigami rank."

Renji didn’t say anything to that, instead he asked: "Please tell him that I am here." He even bowed.

He could basically hear the servant roll his eyes but the man sighed. "Follow me." He led Renji through long, dark passages into a room in which he had to wait. "Don’t expect Byakuya-sama to have time for you." the man told him in a harsh voice and Renji just nodded, gaze still lowered.

The minutes passed, minutes in which Renji stood rooted to the spot, resigned, while his face resembled an emotionless mask and his gaze was still lowered.

He didn’t lift it when the door was opened and someone stepped in solemnly before pulling the door closed again.

"Abarai." a well known voice was heard and now he did look up.

Byakuya looked different without the Keiseikan in his hair and without his uniform. Instead he wore a long Yukata brocaded with floral patterns that looked like it was made out of silk.

His face was calm but his gaze not as cold as Renji remembered it to be.

Everything bubbled back up inside of him. His time underneath Byakuya as his lieutenant. How he met Ichigo. How they fought to push Byakuya from his position.

With a dull thud he sunk to his knees, head lowered and his hands on his knees. "Do with me whatever you want." he whispered into the silence of the room with a rough voice before pressing his forehead against the cool wooden floor, his hands left and right to his face.

For a long moment Byakuya wasn’t moving before he took a step forward, bent over a bit and grabbed Renjis head by his hair before pulling him up a bit. He wrapped the fingers of his other hand around his chin and put his face up higher.

Renji had his eyes closed but he felt a tear run down his cheek. He wasn’t able to look the other into his eyes. Not now and not anytime soon. He was pathetic. Threw Byakuya out first and jumped back into his arms afterwards.

But he didn’t know anymore what he should do. He waited for Ichigo for decades but Ichigo didn’t know him anymore.

Maybe there was a way to get close to him again. Maybe. But right now everything looked fucking hopeless to him.

Byakuya let go of him and his head sunk back to the floor.

The silence was nerve-wracking and Renji felt his body shake because of exertion and dread.

"Why did you come?" he was asked and Renji stayed in his position while answering flatly: "I already told you: Do with me whatever you want."

Quiet, slow steps could be heard as Byakuya walked a circle around him to come to a halt right behind him. A foot sunk down onto his head and pressed his face into the ground. Renji didn’t move, didn’t even change his flat palms into fists even though his face was hurting.

The foot vanished again.

"Stand up." he was ordered and even though his body resisted against it he fought himself up to his legs with a groan. He felt as old as Ichigo really was right now. "To the door." he was told to do and he nearly stumbled and fell when his knees refused to carry him.

Byakuya didn’t respond to his slip but waited patiently until Renji walked to the door.

"Open it." Renji slid it open. "To the right." He turned right and started to walk gingerly, Byakuya close behind him. "Halt." He stopped so abruptly that Byakuya nearly walked into him if the Kuchiki would have been less fast or alert.

"The room to your left hand side." Renji swallowed hard and his fingers were shaking when he turned left and pulled the door open.

A sleeping room. Probably not Byakuyas. This room was too minimalistic and impersonal even for the Kuchiki.

A futon was lying in the middle of the room. Probably a guest room.

He stood in the door until he heard the order: "Step inside." He did it but didn’t turn around when Byakuya stepped into the room as well and closed the door behind them.

As inconspicuously as possible he pulled up his nose, arms left and right to his body and gaze lowered while not moving an inch.

"Spread your arms to both of your sides." Slowly he followed the order until his arms were spread left and right of his body. They were shaking noticeably but Byakuya didn’t say anything about it.

Renjis gaze was still lowered when Byakuya stepped slowly into his field of view. The gaze coming from the steel colored eyes was rather wary and examining but Renji just kept his head down and waited for more orders to come. He stood there for a minute and then another one.

The heavy fabric of his uniform nearly made his arms fall down and when his right arm threatened to sink down without him giving it the order to do so he snatched it back up and tensed up his whole body. That seemed to rip Byakuya from his trance because he finished the circle around Renji until he stood behind him again.

"Hands behind your head." A relieved breath escaped him when he put his shaking arms behind his head and locked his fingers in his neck.

Hands wandered around his body and grabbed for his obi, pulled out the zanpakuto and put it against the wall next to the door before Byakuya returned and grabbed around him again to loosen the white fabric around his hip and lowering it to the ground where they stood.

His kosode moved, now that the obi didn’t keep it in place anymore. Renji flinched when surprisingly warm fingers moved over his stomach, up to his chest and twirled his nipples, first one, then the other.

A gasp escaped him. He pretty much forgot how touches felt at all.

Right now he wasn’t thinking about anything. Not about Ichigo, not about how his whole life didn’t make any sense and not about he used to have nightmares about Byakuya touching him like that.

Fifty years really were a long time at the end of the day and maybe time did heal wounds. Some at least.

The fingers moved up to his collarbone, to the faded scar that moved across his chest and followed it and the many others that were added in the last years.

He didn’t even realize that his breath had become heavier and left his mouth in audible pants.

The hands of the Kuchiki wandered deeper, to the waistband of his hakama and his fingertips dipped underneath slightly and even though his fingers were still inches away from his erection - he wondered when exactly he became that hard - he moaned deeply. His knees were shaking and even though Byakuya didn’t allow him to move as much as his little toe he had to get into a wider stance as to not to crumple to the floor soon.

He could feel how the former captain squinted his eyes and looked at his movement disapprovingly and indeed a moment later he felt finger nails dig into the old scar and an unrestrained scream escaped his lips while his knees did give in now and he sagged.

Not that far though. A moment later he felt himself leaning against a small body. An arm was wrapped around his chest, directly underneath his armpits, another one was wrapped around his waist and both held him somewhat upright and pressed against the body of the black haired one.

His teeth were clattering. Even through the fabric of both of their clothes he felt Byakuyas body radiating head.

A pained moan escaped him and he tried to get life back into his shaky legs to stand back up.

Byakuya just slowly let him sink deeper, onto his knees, while still holding on to him.

Did Byakuya seriously kneel behind him now? He could feel the soft huffs of air against his ear. Hold it, Kuchiki Byakuya never breathed in a way that was recognizable. Was he… aroused? Or was it the exertion of holding Renjis heavy body up? No, it most definitely was arousal.

He felt velvety lips against his ear, lips that he thought a woman to have, not a man.

A hand wiped away his long hair before both hands grabbed for his own, loosened his grip and spread his arms to both sides of his body again.

Fingers wandered over his muscular chest again, this time from above, over his shoulders first and then down, pushed his kosode aside and rubbed his nipples as soon as Byakuya reached them.

Maybe there were some similarities between Ichigo and Byakuya. First there was their body build. Then their hands. He could’ve sworn that he felt Ichigos hands on him when he closed his eyes.

How come that he never realized that?

Wrong, Byakuya never put in the effort to touch him. Yes, that was the problem.

Hands grabbed his lower arms and pulled them back behind his body and down until the position made the joints in his shoulders burn. But what Byakuya aimed for happened - his kosode moved, first over his shoulders and then down to his wrists were Byakuya grabbed the fabric and pulled it down before putting Renjis arms into their former position.

Renji didn’t know what the other one did with his uniform afterwards since only a few moments later the hands were back, moving across his sweaty shoulder blades and to his chest again where Byakuya took his nipples between thumb and index finger, both this time and not as unfamiliarly gently as before. He twirled them, pulled on them and dug his finger nails into the soft flesh and Renji was squirming on his knees while a pressed whimper escaped his lips. Damn, he was so hard.

He licked his dry lips when Byakuya let go of him and his head sagged forward, his chin towards his chest.

A few more times he licked his lips. His arms had fallen to his sides but neither he nor Byakuya realized it.

"Stay on your knees." Byakuya told him, only it didn’t sound like Byakuya. Deeper. A bit breathless.

He just wondered what this order meant - he was on his knees for the whole time - when hands lied down on his shoulders and pressed him backwards.

He was moving his arms helplessly when his sense of balance warned him from falling but Byakuya was holding onto him with a surprising amount of power.

It really wasn’t that easy to stay on his knees like this while his shoulders touched the pleasantly cool laminate. Maybe a position like this was easier for Byakuya. He was more flexible than him.

Breathing heavily he looked up at the Kuchiki, in his calm face and the eyes burning from desire.

Again Byakuya spread Renjis arms but this time they were lying on the ground which made it easier.

Finger tips moved across his wet face, wet from the tears he had been crying earlier and from the sweat making its way over his skin.

A finger moved lightly between his lips and his lower lip trembled while a surprisingly needy whine escaped him. Finger moved down his neck and he tensed up inconspicuously but the fingers didn’t squeeze nor did they hurt him in any other way and his body relaxed again.

Yes, he was relaxed.

He had to, being in a position that would break his back at any other day.

Again fingers moved across his chest and the tips of Byakuyas index fingers were rubbing small circles into his nipples and his body twitched violently, his mouth half open and gasping for the air he was missing.

His eye lids fluttered close while the fingers wandered deeper, to his navel and down to his hakama where the fingers of one hand lifted the fabric slightly and the fingers of the other pushed inside to come to a rest on Renjis erection. The sound escaping him was animalistic and his body started to shake so violently that he feared that he would break into two any second now.

The hand pleasuring him wasn’t even that clumsy at doing so. Finger tips moved up and down his length, thumb and second finger on one side, fourth and little finger on the other with the middle finger of the older one in the middle and whenever his fingers reached his glans, said middle finger moved across the slit in his tip.

Renjis breath quickened and the impossible seemed to happen, he moved his bent body towards the fingers even though there were muscles inside of him that were screaming and his hips twitched and his head was rolling from one side to the other and Byakuya hadn’t even wrapped his hand around him yet.

He had to admit that he doubted that he would be able to stand a direct stimulation for more than two strokes, he hadn’t had sex in such a long time and still, those near-touches made him crazy and brought his body to its limits.

He was grinding his teeth and opened his closed eye lids again when the fingers let go of him all of a sudden, so abruptly that he literally didn’t know the difference between up and down anymore.

"To the futon." Byakuya explained to him with a voice that wasn’t calm at all anymore and Renji entangled his body and let himself fall to his side heavily. He felt his sweaty shoulder blades stick to the laminate and how his legs were numb and hurt.

Still me managed to get up onto his hands and knees a few moments later and with a heavy groan before he crawled to the futon and let himself fall down into the soft, fresh smelling bed linen face first.

Byakuya didn’t like to look into his face when they fucked. Many years might’ve passed and right now he might have acted so differently but he doubted that everything had changed.

Just a few moments later fingers were shoved underneath his hakama and pulled it down, followed quickly by his fundoshi. He was shivering slightly when a gust of wind moved over his naked ass and when a finger moved between his ass cheeks and started to fondle and probe at his entrance he closed his eye lids again.

There was no order of what he had to do with his body and so he just held on to the blanket, his face buried in his upper arm while Byakuya pushed away one of his legs in order to reach his hole better.

Close to greedily it twitched underneath the others touch and a frustrated gasp escaped him when Byakuya let go of him. Let go and got to his feet again.

Rather confused Renji turned his gaze but stayed silent while Byakuya was standing there, a few feet away and staring down at him.

"If you want me to continue, prepare yourself."

For an impossible long moment none of them moved while Renji could only blink, not sure if he heard right. The gaze Byakuya threw at him he knew indeed. _I will not repeat myself._

Was this… a way out for him? Did Byakuya just tell him that he would leave him be if he didn’t want sex?

Exhausted his face fell back into the soft bed linen without him taking his gaze from the Kuchiki.

He was still standing there motionless. He seemed to be serious.

Swallowing heavily he lead index and middle finger of his left hand to his mouth and gathered spit before coating them with it.

A shiver wrecked his body as he took out his fingers again, grabbed behind him with his right hand and pulled one ass cheek to the side before leading his fingers to his entrance. He swallowed again when he pressed his index finger against the way too small hole. For things like this fifty years were an awful long time as well. Just as well he never could have had sex at all. And then with nothing but spit. Looks like he caught Byakuya on the wrong foot - back then the Kuchiki always had a vial of something with him when he wanted sex.

He made a face when he pressed his index finger into him. Too raw. Too tight. It didn’t feel good and since it didn’t look like Byakuya had lube or anything with him the fear crept up in him that he wouldn’t be able to prepare himself enough. Even if he could, it wouldn’t be the best experience he ever had.

He tried to move his fingers a bit but the spit had already dried and the rough skin of his finger moved unpleasantly against his sensitive inner walls.

In the end he just gritted his teeth and continued to move the finger. Stopping, giving up wasn’t an option.

Renji still remembered how he told Ichigo back then that it was really weird at the beginning and a while later it still was but that it was damn good as well - he didn’t reach the _damn good_ part yet though.

Frustrated he removed his finger, eyebrows drawn together and spit at them again before putting them back to his ass and pushing in his index finger.

Vaguely he registered that his erection faded away during his pitiful attempts of self-preparation and wondered if Ichigo felt just the same, lying alone in his bed with no clue of what he was doing.

Even though he didn’t feel ready for it yet he pulled his ass cheek aside with his right hand and pushed and shoved until his middle finger made it into him as well.

A strained sound escaped him while doing so, close to a pain filled moan and he pressed his forehead against the bed linen while the muscles in his ass worked around his fingers.

He knew that it was in vain. Impossible that he was capable of preparing himself properly. Impossible that Byakuya was capable to have sex with him like this. Still he didn’t want to admit that he had no other option but to stop this.

A suppressed hiss escaped him when he tried to widen his fingers inside of him.

A hand wrapped around his wrist abruptly. "You are hurting yourself." Byakuya said with a voice that was hard to read and Renji buried his face deeper into the bed linen while shaking his head violently.

"Take your fingers out." the dark haired one ordered him but he kept them inside stubbornly. "Take them out." Byakuya said again and his grip tightened around his wrist while his thumb found a pressure point. Renjis fingers slacked and when Byakuya pulled them out of him he sobbed.

He was lying there in a tangle of limbs and asked himself what he did wrong. Now. Back then.

"You did not come prepared." Byakuya realized. "Which means that you did not plan to have sex with me. And as maidenly as you acted just now you were untouched for a rather long time."

Renji stayed silent. He felt Byakuya kneel down behind of him.

"Tell me to stop now and I will let you leave without questioning your decision. I will also act as if this night never happened."

It was on the tip of his tongue. The word _stop_ really was on the tip of his tongue but he didn’t say it, instead he just shook his head.

He could feel the rustle of clothes and a short while later Byakuyas slender fingers at his entrance. They were slippery. Not lube-slippery though. More like the older one had cum on them or something similar.

The index finger moved circles into the sensitive, wrinkled skin and Renji felt how the muscles down there relaxed a bit.

"Onto your knees." Byakuya told him with a quiet voice and helped him to do so with his other hand when Renji tried to get his knees underneath him while his upper body was still lying on the futon.

The Kuchikis free hand wandered between his legs and wrapped around his softened cock while he pushed his index finger slowly into Renjis body.

It still didn’t feel good. Maybe Renji hurt himself when he forced his own fingers inside.

Still, a surprised moan escaped him.

Byakuyas fingers moved, for once the one inside of him and on the other hand the ones wrapped around his dick.

His hips twitched while he clawed at the bed linen underneath him.

The finger inside of him disappeared again and came back with some more pre-cum. Byakuyas? Was he… aroused? Renji had asked himself this a lot back then: If he ever managed to arouse Byakuya simply because he was Renji and not because he was a hole for the other to fuck.

"Better?" Byakuya asked him surprisingly softly while his hips pushed against Byakuyas hand unconsciously. He nodded vaguely. It still wasn’t all that good but it definitely was better.

For minutes on end Byakuya did nothing else but move his hand in slow movements along his cock while his finger pushed into him in the same rhythm. He continued with his ministrations until Renjis body squirmed underneath the touches and he didn’t know anymore if he should move against the hand around his erection of the brisk finger inside his ass.

Lust filled gasps escaped his half opened lips by now and when Byakuya took the finger out of him only to push it back in with his middle finger Renji took both of them without any problems even though he started to tremble when he felt that there was more inside of him now.

"Are you going to cum when I stimulate your prostate?" Byakuya asked him in a calm voice and Renji just shook his head weakly. "Don’t… know." he stuttered honestly and felt a moment later how Byakuya wrapped his fingers like a ring around his cock before pushing his fingers deeper and crooking them. Renji gasped in arousal when the slender finger tips moved little circles into his point of lust.

His breathe escaped him in pants and his hands were still clawing at the rumpled bed linen.

The fingers inside him widened and a third one pushed in between them and Renjis mouth was gaping open while his knees started to shake.

A few more times the fingers pushed into him before Byakuya took them out again and let go of his erection at the same time.

"Suit yourself." Byakuya told him and Renji held his breath when a hand grabbed his hip while Byakuya used the other to guide his cock towards Renjis entrance.

For a moment the redhead looked behind himself before his head sank head first into the bed linen. Ichigos cock was wider but not as long as Byakuyas.

He felt the glans pressing against his widened entrance and a drawn out moan escaped him when the older one pressed into him slowly.

He heard a quiet sound of lust from behind him and after the dark haired one pressed into him thoughtfully but uninterrupted until he was in as far as he could go he moved a hand across his sweaty back, across his spine, over his strong shoulders and the long scar moving across it and splitting two of his tattoos.

It was Renji who started to move against the other gingerly, lips half opened and clambering down on the bed linen.

Byakuyas thrusts were calm at first but when Renji showed no indication of pain or dislike they became harder and more forceful until Byakuya nearly pushed him up on the futon.

A scream escaped him when Byakuya hit his point of lust just right and he was so far gone from the here and now that he didn’t even realize that he moaned "Ichigo!" loudly at Byakuyas next thrust. When he finally realized what he just did he slapped his hand in front of his mouth and started to breath through his nose heavily but Byakuya - even though he must have heard him for sure - didn’t say anything nor did he punish him for screaming the wrong name during sex and just continued his thrusts into him in calmness.

Even though the term _calmness_ was a rather broad term since the older ones breath came in pants and he seemed to hold himself back from orgasm.

Renjis mood sank in the meantime. Even though he was still aroused the paradox of the situation he was in confused him. He felt tears prickle in the corners of his eyes and how they started to run down his cheeks.

Oh he would have given the world to be here with Ichigo. Maybe he wasn’t even capable to have sex anymore with his age and the physical condition he was in but just to be here with him and to hold him in his arms would have been enough for him.

A sob let his shoulders tremble and when Byakuya stopped his movements for a second Renji moved against him with more force than needed until Byakuya resumed his thrusts.

An arm wrapped around his chest and held him close while another moved between his legs and started to jerk him off in skillful movements while Byakuyas thrusts became irregular and he came into Renji abruptly.

A few more times the hand around his cock moved up and down and his finger tips stimulated his sensitive glans before Renji orgasmed into Byakuyas hand, the fresh bed linen underneath him and his stomach with a shaky moan.

His knees gave out from underneath him and he sank down onto his stomach completely, Byakuya still on him and inside of him and now that the high of his arousal started to vanish the weight of his emotions pressed him down onto the ground of hard facts.

Byakuya removed his cock from him but didn’t move otherwise. Instead he held onto Renji who had started to sob into the sheets.

A few minutes passed until Renji calmed down slowly and the trembling of his body eased up and still Byakuya held onto him, was so close that Renji could smell cherry blossoms and the soap he was using.

"Why are you not with him?" Byakuya asked him in a calm voice. "As far as I know he is not alive anymore in the human world."

Renji bit his tongue while his shoulders trembled. "He doesn’t recognize me." he whispered into the bed linen. "I looked for him and found him and he doesn’t recognize me."

Byakuya was silent and didn’t move, his arms still wrapped around the body of the bigger man.

The Kuchiki lied down next to Renji and pulled the redhead closer, moved a few sweaty strands from his forehead and held onto the exhausted shinigami.

"I may not be a captain anymore but most of the things that end up on Yamamoto-samas desk find their way to me as well. You gave up on being a captain and never went back to the human world since. Instead you wrote yourself up for every suicide mission that came up in the last fifty years except for one taking place in the human world. Did you try to kill yourself?" Byakuyas asked him and Renji shook his head. "I don’t know." he mumbled, exhausted because he really didn’t know. He gazed at a corrugated, deep scar on the fingers of his right hand where a ryokas sword nearly cut off both his fourth and little finger many years ago. He had countless wounds like this, most of them already healed and faded and forgotten.

"Why did you leave him in the first place when it still pains you fifty years later?"

A tear started to trail down his cheek and fell onto the pillow with a soft sound. His voice nearly broke when he answered: "So that he could live the life of a human that he couldn’t with me by his side. I hurt him so badly back then I would have deserved it if he would’ve attacked me with his stick but he just nodded at me with a friendly smile and walked past me without recognizing me." Renji recounted quietly, not thinking about it that Byakuya might not understand the connection between his thoughts.

"Today he helped a kid that had stolen some goods. He tripped the owner and that guy nearly attacked him. He is _him_ , still, after all this years but he didn’t recognize me, not even… not even when he walked towards me. He didn’t recognize my name or my voice or my face." This time his voice really broke with his last words.

Since when did he talk to Byakuya about confidential things like this? And since when was the Kuchiki interested in things like that in the first place?

He was so lost in thoughts that he flinched violently when Byakuya said all of a sudden: "This happens sometimes. That souls do not have any memories about their earlier life. It is not really explored why this happens but apparently it happens to old, demented people more often or to such who had contact with things from our world, may it be hollows or shinigami or just souls that did not manage the passage."

Renji swallowed.

"What can be done against it?" Byakuya stayed silent. "Nothing as far as I know but I do not know much about that matter. Talk to the fourth division or if there is no other way to the twelfth. The former are educated in medical questions and the latter examined cases like this and tried to investigate them."

Renji nodded, growing tired. He pinched his lower arm in the try to get rid of said fatigue. "I-I should be going." he said and tried to free himself of Byakuyas hug. The older one let go of him.

"Go. Or stay. However you wish."

Renji was halfway up to his knees already when he heard the others words. Who was that guy? He was so far away from the Byakuya he knew that Renji really asked himself that question.

"I don’t want to be a burden to you." he said vaguely and only partly honest since he wasn’t sure if he wanted to stay. Or if he should.

The dark haired one lifted an eyebrow while supporting himself on one elbow.

His yukata was open and hung loosely around his shoulders and Renji couldn’t stop himself from letting his gaze run down the slim, pale body shyly. He never saw his former captain this bare.

"I am living alone in a giant estate. You are no burden to anyone." Byakuya told him, though not really trying to make him stay or if he did then so subtly that Renji didn’t recognize it.

His zanpakuto leaned against the wall next to the door and his obi and kosode lied next to it, folded neatly. His hakama still lied in the middle of the room. Byakuya didn’t bother to put it to the rest of his things.

For a long moment he watched the door before lowering his head with a sigh.

"Where do you want me to sleep?" he asked, resigned and Byakuya spread an arm, telling him with this gesture that he could stay on the futon that Byakuya was still lying on.

It was too personal for him. He didn’t want to sleep in one bed with Byakuya. On the other hand he feared to be alone. He had been alone for the last few decades.

With tears in the corners of his eyes he lied back down onto the futon, back turned to Byakuya and as close to the edge as possible as to not take up any space, at least for as long as Byakuya was here. He would probably get up soon enough to go into his own room.

He was wrong.

A hand was put onto his shoulder. He flinched but didn’t move away and so the others hand moved towards his chest slowly to come to a rest over his heart.

A thumb moved across the skin.

"It may not be mine and I dare to doubt that I ever deserved it but I will try to take care of it."

Renji swallowed and stayed silent, his hands clawing at the pillow underneath his head.

Why did the mission to get Rukia back from the human world ever happen? Why did he have to meet Ichigo there? The way it was now it was… good. Better than the last years.

Those questions hurt. His head also hurt and his heart too and his ass.

He sniffled quietly.

Byakuya wasn’t close enough to actually hug him but the skin on skin contact had something calming. It had been a long, eventful and sad day and even though Renji feared that he would stay awake all night long he fell asleep rather soon.

He had nightmares and when he woke up the last day seemed like a bad dream - at least until he opened his eyes and found himself in a foreign room, big enough for his little barrack to fit in twice.

He was still naked - another indication for the last day being true - but for a moment he thought that Byakuya had left. Only for a moment though, then he felt the others reiatsu right behind him.

Byakuya wasn’t touching him - not with his hands at least - and when Renji turned around Byakuya looked away, caught in the act.

It would have been rather creepy if he hadn’t done the same thing with Ichigo all the time.

"Good morning Taichou." a polite greeting escaped him, still sleepy, which made Byakuya look at him before sitting up.

"I am not your taichou anymore." He said it calmly, no anger in his voice or bitterness and Renji just nodded silently and swallowed heavily.

Byakuya stood up, girded up his yukata and said: "Dress up. Breakfast will be done soon and you have to go to work."

There was some of the commanding habit coming back into his voice but Renji just nodded his consent and got up while Byakuya left the room without a look back.

It all was extremely weird afterwards.

One time he was in Sabitsura he let himself get caught by Ichigo when he was patching up the little cottage a bit after he stacked up firewood as usual and got water.

He didn’t really know what he planned by it.

Ichigo didn’t remember him. And even if he was - they couldn’t be a couple anymore.

Still, he had the wish to bring back the familiarity between them even though Ichigo called him _young man_ even though it was quite the opposite.

Ichigo looked rather surprised when he saw Renji at work, his kosode only attached sloppily since it was way too warm but he didn’t thought it to be decent to walk around shirtless in front of Ichigo as a _stranger_.

"Oh, it’s the young shinigami-san." Ichigo smiled friendly after he got past the first shock. He bowed politely and Renji let the hammer sink that he brought with him and bowed as well. "Ichigo-san." he answered just as respectful.

"What gives me the honor of your visit?" Ichigo asked him and his brown eyes looked at Renji with some distrust - the way you became when you live in the lower Rukongai-districts - and still polite and friendly at the same time.

"Your house." Renji started gingerly. "It’s rather… rickety. I thought that I could help you out with it a bit."

That seemed to touch the old man. He bowed deeply, seemingly speechless and when he came back up he had a remorseful, sad pull around his mouth. Ichigos gaze wandered to the stack of firewood and clever as he was he put two and two together without a problem.

"Have you been the one to stock up my supplies all the time?" Renji nodded, his cheeks reddened and his gaze lowered. "And the food? Was that your doing as well? The clothes?" Renji just kept on nodding. "Why?" Renji asked him in disbelief and Renji moved his head from side to side vaguely.

"I… know how it is to live out here. It truly is awful. I… have seen you helping all of those kids. And all the others around. You are a good man. And moreover…" Renji hesitated. "Moreover you remember me of someone I once knew."

He blinked a few tears from his eyes and the smile that Ichigo gifted him with was honest and thankful and nearly as beautiful as the one that the young Ichigo always gave him.

"Why don’t you come in? I don’t have much but you must be hungry after all this hard work and I would like to thank you for it. I don’t like to admit it but with my age those bones don’t want the same as I do sometimes."

Well-behaved he said his thanks and followed the old man into his hut.

Of course his feet had brought him to the fourth division first but the answer he got there nearly broke his heart all over again. Yes, they knew that some souls didn’t keep their memories. No, there was no known solution for it and they weren’t looking for one either since it was only a dwindling small quantity and in this world the souls didn’t need former memories anyways.

Crestfallen he had walked to the twelfth division afterwards but they just laughed at him and gave him a printed version of their research results before sending him off to the fourth division.

Most of his free days he was with Ichigo who seemed to be happy every time to see him. Sometimes he wasn’t at home. Then Renji worked on the little cottage or went shopping to spread fruits, bread and sweets between the kids generously.

They called him _uncle Renji_ and even though he rather disliked the name in the beginning he got used to it after a while.

He even made Ichigo wear a new yukata and matching shoes but only after he had to promise to bring more clothes and shoes for the other indigent people.

Renji promised. Buying clothes for a whole district was rather expensive but in all those years he saved up quite the amount of money and it wasn’t like he could deny Ichigo any wish he had.

The first time when he came back from a trip to Sabitsura Byakuya intercepted him on the street and waved him with him.

He looked close to unimpressive without his shinigami uniform and his zanpakuto even though his superior gaze gave him away.

"Renji-san." he was greeted and Renji bowed tightly before answering with "Byakuya-sama." His hand had been lying on his sword heavily because he really didn’t believe in any good intentions from the noble.

"I forgot to mention that you are always welcome in my house." Renji had looked at the other in disbelief but the gaze from the grey eyes was honest, though still as cool and collected as ever.

"I don’t think your employees would like that." This statement made Byakuya lift his eyebrow. "They know their place. And if they should forget about it they will have bigger problems to think off as if you are welcome in my home or not." Byakuyas answer ended up rather harshly - it looked like he heard about the way his servant had treated Renji and the latter just bowed curtly while the corners of his mouth had twitched.

It was rather comically how Byakuya got irritated by his servants.

"I’ll keep it in mind." he had said because he didn’t want to promise anything nor did he want to tell him no straight away and Byakuya had nodded curtly but didn’t look all that happy with his answer although he didn’t seem too surprised by it before saying his goodbyes to Renji and going his way.

Since that day Renji connected his visits in Rukongai with visits in Byakuyas estate.

He enjoyed the time with Ichigo and at the same time it made his heart ache, something that got better when Byakuya fucked out his brain afterwards.

At the same time Byakuya was so different from his former self that Renji had troubles sometimes in understanding how this man and the captain he was working under could be one and the same.

When the tears overcame him because Ichigo laughed at one of his bad jokes or because he made something totally Ichigo-typical Byakuya held him close and listened to him talking.

On the other hand Renji listened to him quietly when Byakuya woke from a nightmare one night and sat hunched over and breathing heavily on the futon in the guest room that they shared when Renji stayed the night and Byakuya talked about his diseased wife. Renji hadn’t known that his former captain had been married.

Ichigo was listening to him as well when he told about his life in the Seireitei and his work as a shinigami and about hunting hollows and in return Renji loved to listen when the old man talked about his family and his children and his grandchildren that he loved above all else and his diseased wife. At the same time it hurt him that Ichigo seemed to remember his life just fine - he just didn’t remember that he and Renji knew each other since decades and that he had been a substitute shinigami who saved this and every other known world from total destruction.

When Renji asked him once why he didn’t become a shinigami Ichigo had only laughed and told him that this job was nothing for old men like him and that he gladly left it for young hoppers like Renji and he had only nodded.

It was a weird being together. Him and Ichigo. Him and Byakuya.

But if someone would have asked Renji he would have said after only a short hesitation that he was happy.


	3. Hundred years later

The next hundred years passed astonishingly quietly. Renji became friends with the old man called Kurosaki Ichigo without ever telling him what they have meant for each other and after a while it didn’t hurt as bad anymore.

In the same hundred years he had made it back to the rank of lieutenant, killed more hollows than he could count and got closer to Kuchiki Byakuya than he ever thought possible. So to say he was living in the Kuchiki estate by now, he was there so often.

Byakuya was still awfully reserved towards everything showing some sign of intelligence but sometimes Renji got a rare smile and - at least _this_ he was able to count by the fingers of one hand - sometimes the Kuchiki even laughed. He knew by now that Byakuya loved the time the most when the cherry trees were blossoming, he knew that he was a surprisingly good painting artist and that he was able to have a conversation in such a broad Inuzuri-accent that Renji grew green with envy.

Renji had offered Ichigo to build him a real house but Ichigo told him no with a thanks and said that his little hut was more than enough for him and Renji remembered that Ichigo had always been that undemanding. 

What was new was the fact that Ichigo loved to drink green tea and often they sat in the tea house where Renji met Ichigo for the first time again and talked.

Ichigo on the opposite was incredibly amused when Renji was chasing after the kids when they stole his katana or painted a mustache onto his face when he was taking a nap.

It was a calm era, only interrupted by some longer missions and a gathering of Menos.

Sometimes he was nearly every single evening in Sabitsura and sometimes he had so much work to do that he wasn’t able to go to Rukongai in over a week.

Ichigo knew that. And he knew how to keep himself busy even though he obviously enjoyed the time with the young shinigami. 

When Renji finally found the time again after a long mission and just as long paperwork to go back into the Rukongai he didn’t find Ichigo by his house. That was normal. Ichigo wasn’t often at home but on his feet a lot, so he just started to get firewood already and carried a few buckets of water to the cottage.

Afterwards he went to the tea house in the hope to find him there but he wasn’t there either.

Frustrated he went home late at night because Ichigo was still untraceable. He didn’t remember a time when that happened before.

He also didn’t go to Byakuya but holed up in his barrack, drinking a bottle of Sake, for once because it made him sad and confused that he didn’t see Ichigo and for second because after all this time he didn’t have the right to be mad about it.

On the next day he hurried with his duties and went back to Sabitsura again, only to find the little cottage abandoned, the wood like he stacked it up yesterday and the buckets of water untouched. He hasn’t been here?

Of course he knew that souls were able to _die_ , but they didn’t do so because of old age.

He asked around but nobody had seen Ichigo lately.

Today he went to Byakuya but his mind was absent when they were lying on the futon in the guest room, Renji on his stomach, his face hidden in the crook of his locked arms and with his hair open and Byakuya propped up on one elbow on his side while he let his small hand move across Renjis sensitive sides.

Surprised he flinched when a finger moved across his entrance and Byakuya lied down next to him with a sigh. "Where are your thoughts?" Byakuya asked him. "They are not here."

Swallowing hard Renji turned onto his back and gazed at the ceiling.

"Ichigo disappeared."

Byakuya lifted a questioning eyebrow.

"The people of Sabitsura haven’t seen him in a while, it doesn’t matter whom I asked. I was there yesterday and brought him water and firewood - but when I returned today everything was untouched."

Byakuya followed his example and gazed at the ceiling.

"You do realize that souls get reborn?" Byakuya asked him and Renji swallowed. "Was he?" he asked quietly and Byakuya weighed his head from one side to the other. "Who knows. If nobody has seen him there is the possibility for it. The lower the Rukongai district they end up in the higher the possibility of being chosen for a rebirth. It is supposed to compensate the living conditions there. You will not find anyone in the Seireitei that gets reborn into the human world."

Renji swallowed heavily.

So he found Ichigo and befriended him again just to lose him again. Exhausted from all the strain in his life he closed his eyes. "Souls don’t remember their earlier life after getting reborn, right?" Renji asked with a thin voice.

He knew. He just had to have it confirmed again.

"This is true." Byakuya nodded. "Inside they might still be the same but it would overstrain the human brain to remember all the times it had been alive. It is some sort of protection mechanism."

Renji nodded. "I understand." he whispered and felt a tear run down the side of his face.

"Be happy." he said flatly. He started being informal with Byakuya a long time ago. "Now you have me all to yourself."

With this words he turned onto his side and closed his eyes. He wasn’t in the mood for sex today.

Was it that recognizable that his life took a turn for the worse?

According to his shinigami colleagues it was. The day after it was so bad that his captain sent him back home. He went to the Kuchiki estate, took a bottle of extremely expensive Sake from the older ones stock and got to the task to finish it while he was looking through some reports he took back home.

He hadn’t seen Byakuya yet. The Kuchiki was up and out of the house before Renji even woke up even though it usually was the other way around.

When Byakuya came back home late in the evening he found a rather tipsy Renji - only he wasn’t a happy drinker like usually. He might not be crying but his face was a mask and he barely greeted the Kuchiki that sat down next to him at the table and helped him silently to get some sort of order into the pell-mell on the table.

Renji leaned back a bit and grabbed for the bottle again but Byakuya took it out of his hands unusually rough.

"You had enough of that stuff, Renji." he told the redhead seriously and got up to take the bottle out of the room. He pressed it into the hands of the next best servant he found.

Renji sighed heavily when Byakuya came back to the table and sat down, while Renji buried his face in his hands and rubbed his forehead which was hurting after drinking that much.

They both stayed silent while Byakuya took some berries from the fruit bowl without taking his gaze away from Renji.

"Are you too drunk or still receptive?" Byakuya asked him and Renji just shrugged without taking his hands from his face. "Don’t know." he mumbled obscurely.

With a sigh Byakuya got up. "Then I will take you to bed now and tell you tomorrow."

Renji had to admit that he wasn’t mentally present enough right now to make sense of Byakuyas words.

He just nodded and let himself be pulled to his feet by Byakuya. He staggered and let himself be led into the guest room which contained enough of his own clothes and private possessions to be called his own room by now.

This day hasn’t been his best and the alcohol gave him the rest. He barely lied down before he fell asleep already.

In the next morning it was Byakuya who woke him up and he just moaned when the headache of the hangover caught up to him.

He still managed to get out of bed even though the Kuchiki suggested that he should stay absent from work. These words from this man? Renji got used to it mostly - that Byakuya was different nowadays, more mature in a way and way more caring, at least towards him.

Byakuya still managed to surprise him though.

Renji refused the suggestion. "I’ve got work to do." he explained with a rough voice. "Do you have time for breakfast at least?" First Renji shrugged, then he nodded, defeated. "I… I’m hungry." he admitted and Byakuya nodded, satisfied. "I make sure everything is ready." he said before leaving the room to give Renji some privacy to wash up and get dressed.

When Renji finally made it into the dining room Byakuya already sat in seiza in front of the table, nipped at his tea and read the Seireitei-leaflet.

His face still a mask Renji sat down across of him and waited patiently until Byakuya put aside tea bowl and newspapers and put his palms against each other. "Enjoy your meal." he wished and got the same in return before he filled up his plate unrestrained.

Byakuya might own table manners that Renji was lacking from time to time but it only seemed to amuse him when Renji enjoyed the food so properly and he never heard a rebuke for his table manners. Admittedly - most of the times he held back but in this morning he couldn’t care less about manners.

Renji already finished his plate halfway when a file was pushed across the table towards him, not thick but definitely neatly done.

"What’s this?" the younger one asked, eyebrows drawn together while grabbing for the file gingerly.

 _Soul 0150785_ was written there in a neat handwriting and with a frown he opened the file.

It was some sort of course of life, starting at a point roughly hundred years ago. He vaguely recognized what was written down in it. Sabitsura, sixty-forth district in East-Rukongai. Age. Reiatsu.

"It’s… a life course?" Renji asked uncertainly. "From whom?" he added gingerly even though he had a foreboding to whom it belonged. No, that was impossible. He shouldn’t get his hopes up. 

"From whom do you think it is?" Byakuya asked him in a calm voice and Renji sighed heavily before shaking his head violently and letting the file sink onto the table.

"It can’t be from Ichigo. Why should the Seireitei have a file on him?" The dark haired one sighed. "The Seireitei has files for almost every resident of the Soul Society. It is quite the chaos, that you can believe me but in the end the Soul Society is somehow dealing with souls and has to keep a record on them."

Byakuya pointed towards the file.

"Keep reading."

Gingerly Renji followed his order. His eyes widened when he repeated the last paragraph quietly. "'Soul 0150785 sent back to the human world on day seven of the second month of the year of the dragon and the year 2158 of the human world into the surroundings of Tokyo.' Does that mean…"

"The soul society keeps a record. If you would have died on a mission you would have ended up as another paragraph in another file." "They… don’t lie around like this, do they? How did you got this?" Exalted Byakuya threw his hair over his shoulder. "I belong to one of the four noble families. When I ask doors open that others cannot even see."

Renji swallowed, nervous. "But… where in Tokyo?" he kept thinking and rubbed his chin. "You are inventive." Byakuya said. "I would advise you to search the human hospitals for birth records from February the seventh."

He felt his heart beat faster. "And then I walk around the infants until I find his reiatsu." he ended the others thought and Byakuya leaned back with a satisfied look on his face.

With a jolt he got up, rounded the table and grabbed the surprised Byakuya by his cheeks to press a quick kiss onto his lips.

This seemed to surprise the older one. Renji hasn’t taken up any initiative for any sort of intimacy yet.

"I-I have to go. T-Thank you!" he whispered breathlessly and rounded the table again to get the file.

He stopped in the doorway. "Damn!" he swore. "I have to work."

The corners of the Kuchikis mouth twitched, amused. "I took the liberty to excuse you for the day."

For a moment Renji stood in the door frame, frozen to the spot, before bowing so deeply that his forehead nearly touched the ground before he ran off with a happy shout.

He barely even managed to search all hospitals inside of Tokyo.

After the second one he gave up on the birth records and searched the section of the infants and the maternity ward for Ichigos reiatsu instead.

Even though he barely had a second look for it the human world changed awfully and so much that he had a hard time finding his way around.

He was afraid that _miniature computers_ and _cafés_ weren’t really up to date anymore. The cars barely made any sounds, were weirdly wide and flat and drove without any tires.

People wore glasses that Renji felt captured with even though nobody was supposed to see him and masks, probably because the air was filled with dust.

They were walking heavily. Even though he barely ever saw an overweight Japanese the few that were actually walking these days were all rather fat. Most didn’t walk at all but used something that reminded him vaguely of skateboards and bicycles.

He felt incredibly uneasy in this world. For a moment he thought that he ended up on the wrong planet but Zabimaru was rather reliable in sending him to places. He hadn’t seen any trees yet either.

Untiringly he worked himself through every single hospital in the area and when he had been in all of them by late evening he expanded his search onto Tokyos surrounding area.

The city had been growing. For once in height - he saw nothing but skyscrapers everywhere - but also in its width. According to some old maps he had with him he was supposed to stand in the middle of a big forest and some wide meadows - only he didn’t. He still was in the middle of the city.

His travels led him further towards the _inland_ in wide circles and it still looked more like a small town. He was rather sure that he wasn’t that far away from Karakura now and wondered if it was some sort of suburb of Tokyo nowadays.

The sun was rising again and he knew that he didn’t have that much more time but he allowed himself one last hospital.

He already was so exhausted that he barely even felt the reiatsu and then didn’t recognize it. At least for a moment. He might be another human now but his spiritual energy was unmistakable, even though he was nothing but an infant.

His heart was beating wildly in his chest while he wiped sweat from his forehead, exhausted. A thin smile crossed his face while he stumbled on hurting feet towards the reiatsu, again and again wiping his wet cheeks and pulling up his nose.

Impatiently he waited for the door to open and when a nurse came out, wearing a strange helmet-visor he sneaked in unseen.

A woman was lying in the big hospital bed, exhausted and with sunken cheeks and tired eyes, dull hair that moved past her shoulders and a serious face. She would have been pretty if she wouldn’t have looked so drained.

In a box out of glass that was open on the top was lying a little child, sleeping soundly.

Ichigos reiatsu definitely came from the little guy and fascinated Renji came closer before bending down.

The infant had some dark tiny hairs on his head and such a small body that Renji asked himself how something this fragile and delicate could survive.

As if the baby had felt his presence it opened its eyes, big, warm brown eyes that made Renjis heart skip a beat.

With his eyebrows drawn together and his mouth gaping he stared at the little guy and wondered how this bundle could become a big human.

He didn’t know what he should feel. He didn’t have father feelings and he also couldn’t be sexually taken by this little worm. He remembered that he would’ve been able to see Ichigo like this if he had only known of him back then. He didn’t dare to get up any hopes or anything… but who knew.

 _Nonsense._ he scolded himself. Ichigo was a human again. Not a soul anymore. Because of this whole _human_ -ordeal he ended it in the first place. Ichigo was such a pipsqueak and if he blinked he would be able to walk and if he turned around once he would be going to the human world school. Or wherever humans of this era got the education that they needed for their later on life.

Maybe he only imagined it - and where infants even capable of this? - but he was sure that Little-Ichigo was looking at him directly. The baby stretched out a tiny arm, the little fingers balled to a fist and moved it in something similar to a wave and Renji ran his fingers across his wet cheeks with a quiet laugh.

"Hey little one." he whispered. "Can you see me, hmm?" It didn’t really surprise him. This child hat a gigantic reiatsu. It probably didn’t know what it saw and wouldn’t know about it a while later but right now he enjoyed the moment.

"Well, Ichigo. That’s the circle of life, ain’t it?" he continued talking to the little guy softly and forgot about time while doing so.

It was only when hands grabbed right through his body to take the little boy out of his crib that he flinched violently.

That… happened sometimes when you were a shinigami. It still wasn’t pleasant though.

His gaze ended up on the cribs little name tag. "Oh. Not an Ichigo then." he said quietly and gazed towards the bed where the mother gave her child the bottle. Not that he knew much about it but he was rather sure that he heard that real breast milk was the best for infants.

With a head shake because of the bottle-feeding be bent over the name tag again. "Kasaki Shinta." he read quietly. "A little Shinta-kun. Shinta. Shinta. Ichigo. Shinta." He smiled at the little one who was still watching him. "I think I’ll get used to your new name. Take good care of you Kasaki Shinta, I’ll have to go. Still got work to do. But I’ll be back and I’ll find you again, I promise."

What was he even doing? Soliloquy with a newborn?

Shaking his head over his own actions he left the hospital again with a heavy heart. He didn’t want to open a gate where the unnecessary amount of reiatsu would only confuse the little Ichigo-Shinta.

He barely left the room unseen when a man came walking down the corridor, glasses on his nose and about half a head smaller than Renji, holding a little bunch of flowers in his hands and wearing neat dress pants while being one of the few people in this era who weren’t overweight. Well, overweight too much. With a quiet exhale the man stood in front of the door for a moment, moved a hand through his hair and fumbled at his suit before stepping into the room of the Lady Kasaki.

Ichigos - wrong, _Shintas_ \- dad?

With a soft smile Renji turned to leave.

Shinta would lead a good life with two parents like this.

When he went back to the Soul Society his heart felt at ease.

Renji doubted that Byakuya ever heard him talk about anything in a fascination like the one he put up when talking about Little-Shinta. He also told him about how much the world changed between sentences of his tales of the little baby.

A thin smile was spread over the Kuchikis lips who was sipping his tea but unnoticed by Renji there was a sad expression in his eyes.

When they had sex this evening Byakuya took all the time in the world and had his fun in bringing Renji close to orgasm without making him cum. The soft lips wandered over each and every point of Renjis body that he could reach, every single faded scar, each tattoo and even though he was rather creepy to Renji like this, since it was unusual for Byakuya to explore his body like this, he still felt extremely at ease. He found Ichigo again.

Something like a week passed before he was able to get back to the human world. He wanted to come earlier but his duties kept him from it. He also didn’t want high command to get suspicious if most of the border crossing between the human world and the soul world was done by him and then he would have been called in front of the high commander and had to explain himself.

Instead he just started taking contracts in the human world again and these problems were no more.

He estimated that he had to get Shintas address by visiting the hospital again and look through their files - the little guy had already been in this world for a few days when Renji visited him for the first time and as far as he knew mothers and their children only spent a few days in the hospital. That’s why he was surprised to still be able to feel Shintas reiatsu when returning to the hospital. Was the little guy alright? Or was something wrong with his mum?

For a moment his heart became heavy again but he ordered himself to get his shit together. As if he had any knowledge about child birth.

When he reached the Kasakis room a doctor and a nurse were stepping out of it. Both were wearing those strange helmet-visors that he had seen at his last visit. Unashamed he followed them and eavesdropped.

No, everything was alright. According to them it was perfectly normal for infants to stay in the hospital up to two weeks after their birth since the immune system of the little ones wasn’t made for the world outside with all of its smog.

Renji saw the world. He could understand that nobody wanted to take little children out there.

Still, he was rather lucky. Shinta-kun and his family would be released from the hospital either today or in the next morning, depending on what the chief doctor said.

That made him smile happily.

His mission _forced_ him to stay until the next day. He wouldn’t dare miss Shinta-kuns first step into this world!

Inconspicuously he sneaked into the hospital room when a young woman entered who had been coming from the toilets. They way she was greeted it looked like she was the sister of Shintas father.

The grown ups didn’t even pay any attention to him when he knelt next to Shintas box of glass and started to tell the infant that he was allowed to go home soon.

The little one made cooing sounds and moved his arms, face still turned towards Renji while he told him of his work and the life in the Seireitei and how the human world used to be and how he and Ichigo met for the first time.

When Little-Shinta was allowed to leave the hospital in the next morning Renji was close by. He was still close by when he was running after one of those newfangled cars in order not to lose the little family.

They stopped in front of a house. It was an apartment building but at least it wasn’t a skyscraper. A few blocks further there was a small playing ground - even though made of sand and metal, without any grass or trees. One house was next to the other and Renji hastily memorized the number before following the family inside, his gaze on Shinta who wore a weird looking, glassy mask, probably to keep him safe from the dust.

The little one was sleeping soundly while the little family stood onto the bottom stairs before Mr. Kasaki activated a button on the wall and the stairs began to move upwards. Oh well. That was rather progressive. Renji did know about escalators in shopping malls but he doubted that something like this existed back then.

In a hurry he got onto the moving stairs as well and held onto the railing quickly when he nearly slipped.

They moved up stairs after stairs after stairs until they reached the sixth floor. Kasaki-san held something looking like a credit card in front of the key hole of the metal door that they were standing in front of and Renji heard a rattle when the lock unlocked itself and the door opened. "Welcome back, Kasaki-san." an electronic voice could be heard coming out of nowhere.

Fascinated Renji looked around. Everything looked so… different. He barely made it through the door before it could close on him. There were white screens everywhere, showing the news or the weather or what day it was. He walked off into another direction as the little family and searched the apartment, finding a crib in the parents bed room that was for Ichigo probably. Wrong. Shinta. Shinta, Shinta. He hit his temples. "Get his name right, idiot." he told himself and kept going.

He had just reached the kitchen when his old Soul Society cell phone vibrated. Hollow nearby. A little annoyed because he had to leave the family so quickly again he sneaked through the open balcony and climbed onto the rooftop.

He was that far up, he was already able to see the hollow.

With a sigh he rushed towards the fallen soul. He feared that this might happen earlier the way Ichigos reiatsu was on fire. Shintas reiatsu.

He swore to make sure that he was alright and to tell Rikichi about him. He hadn’t seen him in a while and his former subordinate became captain of the sixth division in the meantime.

Rikichi always liked Ichigo. He bet he wouldn’t mind to take care of the little one while he was away.

Time really moved as fast as he feared. It wasn’t that the time moved differently in the human world than it did in the Soul Society but when you were a shinigami you kind of lost the feel for it. When he saw Shinta the next time because he had to get rid of a hollow close by he had grown by about five inches.

One time Shinta was playing in the play ground, two years old by now and playing with himself and a little shovel while his mother was sitting on a bench and talking to a hologram next to her and Renji stepped closer to the fence to take a look at what Shinta was building.

The boy had looked up at him with a captivating smile and waved at him.

It surprised Renji that badly that he just waved back carefully before running off. Shinta wasn’t supposed to see him - and he obviously did.

After that he made sure that Shinta never saw him again when he was visiting the human world.

Even though Renji had to kill off a hollow from time to time it was all puppies and kittens.

If only he had known that Shintas cozy world would crumble when he was four and a half years old he probably would’ve grabbed him and kidnapped him to take him to Urahara or Rikichi.

He found out rather randomly that the man that visited Shinta and his mother in the hospital wasn’t his father but his fathers brother.

Renji wouldn’t have had the idea since the man took care of the little boy rather touchingly and he was so close to Shintas mother and he could swear that he saw them kiss before.

Thanks to some research he was able to find out that Kasaki Mitaba spent the last five years in prison and that he had just been released now. It surprised him just as much when he found out the Shinta-kun was the outcome of a tryst between the former drug dealer and thug and Taka Shila, a woman from the red light district.

So much for the cozy family life.

Mitaba was caught by the police a month after Shintas begetting and when Shila realized that she was pregnant she resigned form her job even though she wanted to abort first and thought it over for many days and weeks. It had been Mitabas brother that made her come to her senses. They hadn’t known about each others family relationship. They randomly met in a bar.

It might have been too much to say that they were in a relationship but they took care of each other. Kouru brought home money and Shila took care of Shinta.

This world broke into a million pieces when Mitaba was standing in front of the door one day.

Shinta was in the kindergarten and Renji used the boys absence to take a nap on the Kasakis couch to rest from the last hollow hunt he had. It hadn’t been a really strong hollow but he had been quick like a weasel. Someone had ringed on the front door and Shila had went to the door to open it. She did use the installed camera and she also asked "Who is it?" but whatever the answer, it must’ve been to her liking since she opened the door - and ended up in shock when the tall man stood in the door.

Renji scrambled to his feet when Shintas father slapped his mother soundly and with so much force that she was whirled around before she fell to the floor.

Angered Renji clenched his hands into fists while the man stepped in and let the door fall closed with a loud thud.

"Whore!" the man screamed at her. "You seriously put a brat into this world? From me? Where is the little fucker?"

Renji grew pale.

He couldn’t allow Shinta to come back here, that was his first thought.

But he was not allowed to interfere.

He was told rather unequivocally what would happen to him if someone was to find out that he was seen interacting with humans. Since the Rukia-incidence the rules for this had only become more strict. It was marginal that Shinta saw him at all when he was a little child.

With fury in his eyes looking for the likes of it he stared down the other man who was even taller than he was himself, even though Renji was close to a giant himself and had to listen to the wild insults that Mitaba was screaming at Shila while the woman curled up on the floor and into a fetal position to keep herself save from the mans attacks.

He didn’t know how this gathering ended because he was called for a hollow again.

When he came back a few days later Shila looked awful, her eye bruised and her lip split and when he saw Shinta from afar he realized that the little boy didn’t have a smile on his lips this time but a frightened look.

Until Shinta finally got into school it only got worse.

It looked like Kouru had been thrown out by his brother while Mitaba propagated in the Kasaki-residency as if the place belonged to him.

What was the worst for Renji to see was that he found signs of beatings on the young boy as well.

First he thought that it was Mitaba who beat him up but once when he followed Shila and Shinta through the city on a little shopping tour - far enough away so that Shinta didn’t see him - he saw Shila slap him before pulling him with her harshly when the boy asked something.

Of course he already asked Rikichi if there was something they could do about it but Rikichi had only shaken his head. The shinigami had nothing to do with the rules and laws of the human world. There was nothing that they could do, even though he obviously disliked the way Shinta was treated just as much.

Renji waited impatiently until Shinta learned how to read in school before he sneaked into his class room during a break where the students were located in the glass-roof covered schoolyard before he left a little note underneath his little, flat computer that the students were learning with nowadays.

Thoughtfully he made sure to use the best handwriting he could muster and to waive the use of Kanji since he didn’t know which of them Shinta already learned.

 _Hello Shinta._ he had written. _I know that your life is not that nice right now. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone and that I take care of you. A friend._

In the disguise of a janitor he had waited in front of the window of Shintas class room after the end of the break and pretended to swipe the floor even though there were machines nowadays that found and cleaned dirt on their own.

He forgot about his work as soon as Shinta pulled the tablet towards himself and found Renjis note.

Gingerly he looked around before pulling the note underneath the table and opened it.

Somewhat sluggishly he read it and looked around quickly without even minding the _janitor_ outside. There was a faint smile on the boys lips who only ever had been incredibly serious and intimidated lately even though he only ever smiled and laughed when he was a kid.

Shyly he wiped his eyes before rereading the note syllable after syllable, Renji saw his lips move. Then the little boy had put the note into the pockets of his pants because the teacher had come in and started with her lesson.

Renji kept writing notes.

Whenever something happened in Shintas life he wrote little notes and hid them underneath his tablet and as soon as Renji realized that the boy took a look underneath his educational material every time he came back from a break he kept writing him little notes like _You’ve got a cool shirt today._ or a praise for having a good grade in a test. He also wrote that he saw his father hitting him and told him about his own life vaguely and how he made it too. That Shinta was strong.

He didn’t really know it he actually helped the boy with it or if he was only pulling him down some more but since the boy was always happy to get messages from Renji he didn’t stop.

Shinta stopped reading his notes and started to throw them into the bin without even looking at them when Shintas mum wasn’t capable to bear the stress anymore and ran away from home without leaving a trace.

Most of the time she had been the last barrier between Shinta and his father - now she was gone and Shinta was at the mercy of his fathers tantrums.

It hurt Renji that the fourth-grader wasn’t reading the notes anymore - not really because he threw them away but because he wasn’t able to at least have the feeling that he was helping him somehow, however small it had been.

Renji didn’t give up and kept writing his little notes.

The missions in the human world decreased and Renji had to stay in the Soul Society, heavy-hearted even though Byakuya managed to sneak him into the human world from time to time with his own permit.

As awfully withdrawn Shinta had been during his elementary school time, he turned into a real ruffian in middle school that attacked anything verbally that tried to come close to him.

Shinta might have been born with Ichigos nature and it was still his soul but Renji realized now that humans were mostly formed by the things that happened to them in their lives and from the people that surrounded them.

It hurt to watch Shinta and one or two others boys - and sometimes only Shinta alone - march the schoolyard and take away sweets from smaller kids or trip them before laughing at them when they started to cry. Shinta had to write lines as a punishment but nothing changed in his behavior, instead he seemed to become worse the more lines he had to write, pretty much as if he did it on purpose by now.

Renji resumed his note-writing and told him that it wasn’t okay what he was doing and that he would like to help him but even though the twelve year old looked at the note it ended up in the trash again while he was laughing and crumpled the note to a ball.

In high school he got together with a few like-minded people. They started brawls with about anyone who looked at them sideways and they stole cigarettes and alcohol from super markets.

What Renji realized when Shinta turned seventeen were the many similarities and differences between Shinta and Ichigo.

Shinta was slimmer than most of the other students in his school and Renji was afraid that he didn’t get enough or nothing at all to eat at home. _At home_ was a rather wide ranged term since Renji knew that Shinta hasn’t been in the apartment he grew up in in quite a while.

His hair was pitch black and in a schoolyard full of other black haired students Renji sometimes found him only due to his reiatsu, because Shinta wasn’t that big either. As a kid his bangs were hanging down over his forehead but since a year or two he wore gel in his rather short hair that made it stick out upwards. It gave him a _Bad Boy_ look that Renji would’ve liked on him if he wouldn’t have been such a damn asshole. In his left ear he had an earring, black as the night. The skin around it had been sore for weeks on end and Renji guessed that he either pierced it himself of that it was done by someone who wasn’t a professional.

He had a slim face, pretty, if it wouldn’t have that angry pull around his mouth. The drawn together eyebrows reminded Renji again and again on the initial Ichigo since they were delicate like his. The brown eyes didn’t have any warmth in them anymore, instead they just glared at anyone with hatred in them and defiant and superior.

His nose, straight when he was a kid with a sweet, little, rounded nose tip was rather crooked nowadays after it had been broken once - or twice, Renji couldn’t remember anymore - during a fight he was in.

His lips were fuller than Ichigos but they always invited Renji for a kiss.

He had a vigorous chin and - though rather thin - a body that most of his class mates were jealous about probably. Maybe not. He already heard how many girls in his class liked his bad boy image but not the fact that he was so thin. It looked like most Japanese were into round bellies and a lot of pounds on their hips.

It’s not like he planned to do so but one night he watched Shinta having sex with a girl. She didn’t look like she was really into it and to Renji it didn’t look like it was all consensual either since she was hitting the young mans naked chest over and over and hissed at him to stop but Shinta didn’t and so she gave in and let herself be taken by the teen.

He also heard how Shinta told her that he had a lot of other girls before her. He wasn’t able to deny or confirm it but he wasn’t in the human world as often as he would’ve liked to and the self-confidence in Shintas voice was real and absolute so Renji doubted that he had lied.

There weren’t enough characteristics to identify Shinta as Ichigo clearly. That was alright. Renji knew that it was the genes of the parents who decided what a human looked like.

In the last year of his high school time he got expelled from the school after they caught him with cannabis. The drug law in Japan seemed to have eased up in the last hundred years but the school itself didn’t tolerate it.

Renji went back to the human world again and again to keep an eye on Shinta even though he gave up on winning the young man for himself - also due to the fact that he couldn’t talk to him in the first place since the Soul Society law forbid it.

Shinta was in a deep, deep hole and not reachable for Renji in any way. Apart from that Renji felt rather turned off by his anti-social behavior.

After he was thrown out of school Shinta slipped off into the drug scene completely. Not really as a consumer but as a dealer and whenever Renji was in the human world he saw the young man with another woman in his arm.

It didn’t look like this eras Ichigo cared about faithfulness a lot.

It was also coincidence that Renji was in the human world at the moment the accident occurred to Shinta.

Nobody who cared about their image ran around Tokyos street in this district at this time of night.

Renji heard the collision from streets away and started running but he didn’t imagine he would see something like that.

At first the accident had nothing to do with Shinta at all.

One of those floating cars crashed into another one - which was a rarity in itself since all of those vehicles were provided with autopilots and stopped automatically when they were driving towards something. Whatever happened, the technology failed - Renjis level of knowledge on technology stopped at miniature computers and microwaves - the cars collided and one was hurled through the air, towards the sidewalk where Shinta was passing by. He wasn’t able to evade the heavy projectile even though he tried to jump onto the street.

The car somersaulted several times and a part of it fell off and hit Shinta against the head like a bullet. He got thrown to the ground back first before the heavy machine landed on top of him and buried him from his waist down.

This had been the moment where Renji had slithered around the corner.

Shocked he watched the whole thing while his feet brought him closer to the accident site without his approval. Right into Shintas point of view who was gasping for air and spitting blood. Blood that was welling up from underneath the car as well.

He didn’t look like he already understood what happened at all.

Sweat ran down Renjis temples. He wasn’t supposed to get seen. But he had to help! Shinigami were there to keep an eye on the humans in this world. That definitely would justify his appearance. _Against hollows!_ another part of his brain answered.

Still, he hadn’t troubles to decide and he came closer, breathing heavily.

If the situation seemed hopeless from far away it only got worse when he came closer.

The pain didn’t reach Shinta just yet, maybe because he was too deep in shock or maybe because there wasn’t much left that could hurt.

The eyes of the young man were glazed over when he looked towards Renji.

"Hey!" Shinta croaked with a weak voice, accustomed to give orders and aggressive but still sounding way too much like Ichigos. "Hey, you! Help me!" The anger in his voice disappeared, instead he sounded frightened and overwhelmed now. "Hey, don’t just stand there!" he screamed himself hoarse and tried to reach for Renji with shaky fingers who stopped a few feet away from him, shocked. "Please!" the dark haired one gasped while a stream of blood poured from both his mouth and nose and he ended up coughing weakly. "What do you stand there like an idiot?"

Did some tears mix up with the blood on his face?

Renji still stood there like ordered and never picked up. He could feel it by his weakening reiatsu that no power in this world would be able to save him now, even if an ambulance would rush around the corner this very moment.

And maybe it was better like this for Shinta. He had always been unwanted in this world and treated poorly. What did he hope for? That he could come closer to this Ichigo when he was in the Soul Society? Well… He would try, that was for sure.

"It’s over." he said in a calm voice, his face a mask when Shintas hand fell down to the ground because he was too weak to hold it up. "Nobody can help you now. But you’ll end up in a better place." Renji promised him in a thin voice but didn’t know if his words even reached Shinta anymore.

The brown eyes, warm and full of life when he was a kid, only looked at him accusingly but the life disappeared from them and Shintas reiatsu vanished.

Slowly he stretched out his zanpakuto handle first and touched his forehead with it to help his soul into the next world.

With a heavy sigh he sat down in front of the dark haired one cross-legged, his zanpakuto across his knees and kept vigil by the body.

Finally he was able to look at the others face from close by and he let his gaze wander across the dead’s face that paled more and more, across his full lips, smeared with blood and halfway opened, the repeatedly broken and somewhat crooked nose, the big eyes with the long lashes that used to be in such a beautiful brown but were cloudy and glazed over now. The thin eyebrows, the straight forehead, the small ears, the thick hair.

Five minutes passed until rescue teams finally arrived at the accident site and started to lift the heavy car from the body with combined forces. Renji stayed where he was, even when hands passed right through him several times.

He glanced down for a moment but looked away quickly. During his time as a shinigami he had seen a lot of horrible injuries and acquired some of them himself but the sight of Shintas completely crushed lower body was too much for even him and many of the guys from the rescue team were throwing up all around him.

Softly he ran his fingers across the dead’s sunken cheeks and enjoyed the soft, though cold skin underneath his fingers, however morbid it was.

"I’ll find you. I promise." he whispered. He leaned forwards to press his lips against the forehead of the young man before getting up on shaky legs while the emergency personnel spread a cover over his dead body.

That’s how Shintas life ended at the delicate age of nineteen years, seven months and sixteen days while Renji got back into the Soul Society quietly.

He doubted that the mortal remains of this Ichigo would get a nice and neat grave since graves were for the living and none of them cared enough about him to mourn.

He had better things to do. Find his soul in the Soul Society for example.


	4. One hour later

When Renji stepped into the Kuchiki estate, exhausted, Byakuya realized right away that something was off with him. "Is something wrong?" the older one asked him and Renji sank down by the table next to him.

Was it cruel or cold that he had no tears for Shintas death? To be honest he was glad that he was back here because Shintas life in the human world had been anything but pretty.

"I let him die." Renji said without taking his gaze from his plate. He wasn’t hungry.

From the corners of his eyes he could see that Byakuya let his chopsticks sink before tilting his head to the side. "Ichigo. Shinta. I let him die." With a hard pull around his mouth Renji lifted his gaze. Byakuya knew about Shintas life in the human world so he didn’t have to explain too much.

In a few short words Renji explained how it happened that Shinta died. "You did what you could." Byakuya told him. "Not too much? Or not enough?" Renji asked quietly. "He saw me so I was not careful enough. At the same time he died with me around." A hand lied down on top of his shoulder. "Should the commander ask you about it, just send him to me. I will settle this for you."

Renji scowled. "How? You’re not even a shinigami anymore." The gaze that Byakuya threw him was filled with so much satisfaction that Renji was surprised. "And still I have got more to say than most actual shinigami. Who do you think got you-" Byakuya stopped talking abruptly. "This is something that I did not have wanted to tell you. It looks like I became too talkative… The cat is out of the bag now. I made sure that you ended up in the ninth division after you came back from the human world."

Surprised Renji lifted his gaze. Sometimes he had wondered why they didn’t throw him out but he absolutely didn’t think that Byakuya had his hands in wrist deep.

"With which intention?" Renji asked him. "A part of me hoped that the shinigami would take me in again." _At least he’s honest_ Renji realized. "But that was not the main reason. I wanted to make sure that you have a basis of existence so that you do not end up in the slums again."

Renji was surprised at how touched he felt by this and he lowered his gaze while his cheeks turned red.

He turned his body into Byakuyas direction and pressed his forehead against the floor. "Thank you." he whispered quietly, his hands left and right next to his face.

Renji could hear the older one swallow before hands were put onto his cheeks and his face was lifted slightly and put onto Byakuyas knees. For a moment he closed his eyes and breathed in the Kuchikis fresh scent before lying down and turning onto his back while doing so, his face in Byakuyas lap now.

Thoughtfully he looked up at the other man. What did he still feel for Ichigo? What did he feel for Byakuya? He didn’t know.

Fingers moved gently across his forehead to move aside a few unruly strands of hair and he closed his eyes for a moment to enjoy the touch.

Byakuya could be an animal in bed but he could also be like _this_.

"Are you going to look for him?" Byakuya asked him and Renji nodded, his eyes still closed. "Yes." he said with a slight hesitation in his voice. "But?" Renji shook his head slightly. "I don’t know." _I don’t know how much I feel for him because Shinta is a fucking asshole I want nothing to do with. I don’t know what he thinks about me after I let him die._

He didn’t voice his doubts but Byakuya had always been good at reading peoples minds by looking into their faces.

Soft lips touched his forehead. "Whatever happens - you are always welcome in my house." "Thanks." Renji whispered silently and when Byakuya put his lips onto his own he answered the quiet kiss just as slowly while he played with a long, dark strand of hair.

Byakuya was rather peculiar with his hair but today he let Renji play with it before letting go of his lips.

The older ones face looked relaxed but there was an odd undertone to be heard when he told Renji: "I am going to check tomorrow if I will be able to find out where all of the souls ended up that came here today." Renji threw him a thankful glance and smiled softly before he closed his eyes again and moved his face to the side to bury his nose in Byakuyas leg.

Byakuya kept his word and when Renji came back home from work on the next afternoon the Kuchiki was surrounded by files, trying to sort them into piles. It actually surprised Renji how many people were able to die in one single day. And according to Byakuya those files were from the souls of Tokyos surroundings only. He had to admit, the area was rather big nowadays but still…

Renji looked around for some free space and knelt down to watch the concentrated work of the Kuchiki. Byakuya felt his gaze, looked up and lifted an eyebrow, synonymous to _What is it?_ "I’m just surprised at how you get everything so easily." Renji answered while smiling slightly.

Byakuya lowered his head back to the pile of work around him but Renji was able to see a few laugh wrinkles around his eyes.

For a moment Renji kept the silence between them and licked his lips. How did you start a conversation like this?

 _Straight ahead._ Ichigo had always said and kept it that way too. "Did you ever want to go back to the shinigami?" Renji asked the other one curtly and Byakuya lifted his gaze before tilting his head from side to side. "It was a good work and something that I was good at. A nobles matters are rather… monotonous." Renji knew what he was talking about. He lived here long enough to get Byakuyas boredom.

Slowly he pulled out the file from his kosode and looked at it. "Would you accept if they wanted to take you in again?" Byakuya who already grabbed for the next file on the table stopped and Renji could see the thoughts run through his head while the older man watched his fingers as if they would be the most interesting thing in the whole room. "I guess so." he answered in a calm voice before getting the file he wanted to. "Why do you ask?" "Because…" Renji took a deep gulp of air. "Because I… might have… suggested you for the captains post of the fifth division." he said, sounding frustrated with himself.

He took a sneak peak to the others face but kept his gaze lowered when Byakuya tried to look into his eyes. Kuchiki Byakuya was non who got surprised easily - but Renji sure did it.

Carefully Renji handed over the file he pulled from his kosode with both hands and slowly, rather reverently Byakuya opened the cover and skipped through the papers.

"How were you able to achieve this?" Byakuya asked him. It looked like he didn’t understand from where Renji took the influence to propose this. The corners of Renjis mouth twitched. "Even crimes in the Soul Society do have a statute of limitations. Apart from that _I_ was the one who got you fired so I should be capable of getting you back onto the captain position."

Byakuya was silent for a moment before he lowered his gaze. He looked excited if Renji was able to read his jerky movements right.

"I accept." the Kuchiki whispered finally before lifting his gaze again. "Thank you." he said, his voice a bit loaded before bowing in front of Renji.

The younger one felt his cheeks become red. He wasn’t used to Byakuya bowing in front of him.

"D-Don’t mention it." he mumbled and pointed towards the many files that Byakuya had stacked up. "I have to thank you." he changed the topic quickly and Byakuya snorted softly before responding: "You will not be thankful anymore when we went through all of them."

"Yeah?" Renji lifted an eyebrow. "Looks like you already got rather far."

Byakuya nodded seriously but his lips twitched, amused. "That I did. With the first stack."

Renjis shoulders slumped indeed and he rubbed the skin between his eyebrows before getting up with a pained smile. "Where is the rest?" Byakuya told him and when Renji opened the door to said room he puffed up his cheeks. Yes, he understood what Byakuya meant.

With a sigh he took another stack of files with him and left the other two be where they were.

The work on the files was interrupted by Renjis actual work and a whole bunch of qualification tests that Byakuya had to go through. Of course the Soul Society knew about the former captains skills but the way it looked it was more about the degree of _psychological suitability_.

On the third day of their search Renji finally found the file he was looking for. It described him perfectly, his reiatsu, the point in time and the location of his death.

What definitely made him less excited and even less cheerful was the fact in which district he did land. He still was in East-Rukongai but Shinta ended in the seventy-sixth district Sakahone. Renji pulled his eyebrows together.

He didn’t like that.

The old Ichigo didn’t mind to live in a low-level district. He adapted to his new situation, found new friends and shared the few things he had with others.

But Shinta? He wasn’t really a spawn of courtesy and good behavior. Renji knew the slums. Shinta would only become even more wild there. He feared that he had to fight him one day because Shinta got it in his mind to attack someone and then the shinigami had to prevent it and stop the ryokas activities.

He cleaned up the other files and sat down at the table with a bottle of Sake to wait for Byakuya while Shintas file was still lying in front of him.

Renji was getting to the third bowl of Sake when Byakuya stepped into the room, Senbonzakura in his hand and with a satisfied expression on his face.

The younger one could see how there were words on the tip of Byakuyas tongue, stories from his day but when Byakuya saw the bottle of Sake and the single file on the table he just sat down opposite of Renji in silence and waited for Renji to start talking.

 _Not today._ Renji thought. The zanpakuto in the others hands could only mean one thing. Today was Byakuyas big day.

"How was your day?" he asked the Kuchiki and pushed aside Sake and bowl firmly before supporting his elbows on the table and putting his chin onto the back of his clasped hands.

Byakuya recognized what he was doing, gave him a curt nod and started talking about the last selection testings and how they gave him back Senbonzakura.

Renji smiled heavily. He had known the moment in which Byakuya walked through the door with the katana in his hand.

Apart from that the fifth department really needed a captain. The job seemed rather unpopular after what happened with Aizen, even this many years later.

Still, Byakuya kept his report shorter than he obviously planned it to be and soon enough Byakuya nodded towards the file. "You found him?" the Kuchiki asked and Renji nodded.

Byakuya reached out for the file but stopped dead in his tracks before throwing Renji a questioning look until the redhead nodded his consent. Renji then let his hands sink down onto the table.

The newly made captain skipped over the lines and let the file sink with a sigh.

"What are you still doing here?" Renji was asked and the taller one scrunched together his eyebrows. "What do you mean?" he asked the other one and Byakuya lifted an eyebrow. "I asked you why you are sitting here instead of running all the way to Sakahone to look for him."

Renji swallowed heavily and lowered his gaze.

"I… don’t know." he whispered. "It’s rather rude to just leave like that."

Byakuya lifted an eyebrow. "You mean that you waited for me?"

Renji shrugged and Byakuya leaned across the table to look at him seriously. "Renji, you did not fall in love with me in the last hundred years. It will not happen. I see how you pine for him so get up and go talk to him."

With tears in his eyes Renji looked up.

Byakuya was right.

He hated it to be alone so he stayed with Byakuya but he wouldn’t have if he ever had the possibility to be together with Ichigo - even now, so many years later. "I… I didn’t want to take advantage of you or your feelings, Byakuya-sama." he mumbled without even realizing that he got back to talking formally with Byakuya. "You did not." Byakuya ensured him. "Neither deliberately nor unintentional. You are way too honest for any of that. So go to him."

A hand lied down on top of his and finally he looked up. A friendly smile was lying on the others lips but he recognized it as another one of the Kuchikis masks. Did it hurt Byakuya just as bad to let him go as it hurt him to let go of Ichigo back then?

Probably.

Byakuya might’ve been awful in showing his feelings but Renji was _sure_ , one hundred percent sure that Byakuya felt love for him. It was obvious in the way he acted around him and what he did for him even though Renji barely ever compensated for it and took it as granted or didn’t even realize it. It was… a weird relationship in opposition to the one he had with Ichigo. He had done anything for him. He read every single wish from his eyes and Ichigo did the same with him more or less. No, not more or less. In the same intensity. If Ichigo would have been less like Ichigo - would he still want to be with him? After hundred-seventy years? He shouldn’t forget that _Ichigo_ didn’t really exist anymore.

Not even the old man-Ichigo. There only was Shinta. Shinta who he had never started anything with because even though Shinta was based on Ichigos soul, too many bad things happened to him and he hung out with too many wrong people as if he ever could be like Ichigo.

"I will go." Renji said quietly. "First thing in the morning. Tonight…" He swallowed heavily before looking directly into the steel grey eyes of the other one. "Tonight my thoughts will be only here." he promised.

Didn’t it only hurt more to delay goodbyes? Maybe. On the other hand Renji would’ve loved one last memory with Ichigo. One last goodbye. He didn’t know if Byakuya was made by the same tissue as he was but when Byakuya leaned closer to put his lips onto Renjis he had his answer. "Thank you." he heard close to his ear before Byakuya let go of him and got up to round the table.

Unusually gently Byakuya took his big, rough hands and pulled him up with the strength of a shinigami captain before leading him to their shared room.

Renji followed, eyes halfway closed and sunken in some sort of meditation. He promised. Tonight he wouldn’t think about Ichigo once.

When Renji got up in the next morning and got dressed very quietly his thoughts were with no one but Shinta and his heart was daring to beat out of his chest.

He tried to be quiet but Byakuya woke up nevertheless before getting into a yukata very quietly and then he watched Renji prepare.

The redhead was finished soon but Byakuya didn’t trouble himself with getting up and when Renji came closer by a few steps Byakuya only lifted his hand which made him stop immediately.

"My home is always open to you." Byakuya said seriously. "Now go."

There was a slight shaking in the older ones voice and Renji bowed before him deeply and for a long time before walking out of the door backwards and closing it quietly.

He couldn’t help it, he felt tears prickle in the corners of his eyes. In some weird, twisted way Byakuya did mean something to him even if he hadn’t been in love with him. He felt like it was the end of another chapter in his life and he wasn’t sure if he should be happy about it or sad.

He forced a smile and when he left the Seireitei through the gate to make his way towards Rukongai he felt his heart beat wildly against his ribcage. He would have a guilty conscience for it one day or the other but every thought of Byakuya left him when he started to run.

He knew that there would be problems but he still got surprised in a bad way when he walked into Sakahone. Shintas reiatsu glowed like a signal light between all the other normal Soul Society residents. He really didn’t have any problems at all to find him. His problem was mostly _how_ he found him.

Shinta was surrounded by a few thugs, armed with katanas and heavy wooden clubs and who looked everything but peacefully. That wasn’t the problem either since Renji could have _saved_ him from a situation like this and then they would have become friends and then more and-

No, the problem was that Shinta looked like the boss of this gang. They were standing in front of a destroyed market stand whose owner was lying on the ground, both shaking and bleeding. A crowd had gathered but most of them stayed far away while Shinta was screaming at the man lying on the ground, waving around something that looked dangerously like a baseball bat. At least when it came to the shape. There were no Baseball bats in the Soul Society and definitely none in Rukongai.

Renji was from the ninth division. It was his responsibility to settle arguments between residents when running into any.

No problem at all. He was good when it came to fighting and he was way stronger than a few thugs with dull swords and wooden clubs. The problem was that Shinta was right in the middle of them and that he wouldn’t be able to fight him. He couldn’t hurt him, not in the knowledge of who he was.

Slowly he came closer and took a few deep breaths while the people around him made space for him quickly. "Leave from here." he told anyone who listened long enough because who knew what could happen when a lieutenants reiatsu and one like Shintas would meet.

The vanishing of the onlookers and him coming closer got the attention of one of the thugs and he put a hand onto Shintas shoulder before pointing at Renji.

He was close enough to be able to tell that Shinta was barefooted and that the yukata he wore was bound so sloppily that he could see his small, but muscular chest. At the same time the yukata was so short that it ended in the middle of his thighs and showed off long, strong legs.

Renji felt his breath hitch and bit his tongue. This was not a good moment for a boner.

He still styled his hair up like he did in the human world and the expression on his face spoke of hate when he turned away from the owner of the stand abruptly who crawled away as far as he could.

"You!" Shinta barked at him while he came closer briskly and without any hesitation, lifting the roughly made baseball bat and pointing it into his direction. When he came closer Renji realized that Shinta was about as big as Ichigo had been. No, not quite. Maybe he was an inch or so taller.

Again he took a deep breath and tried to calm down his racing heart while the hatred-filled brown eyes stared him down. He answered the others gaze calmly, his hand lying on his katana but without the intention of actually using it.

"You!" Shinta said again. "You’re the reason why I’m here! You let me die, motherfucker! You got turned on by that, ha? Me getting smashed by a fucking car? Aren’t you shinigami guys there to take care of people?"

With his last words he swung for Renjis head with the bat in his hands but Renji just dove underneath the blow. Shinta might be a great fighter but Renji had the advantage of nearly three hundred-thirty-five years of experience and way too many fights with opponents stronger than him.

He even fought with Byakuya a lot of times and the Kuchiki was known for being awesomely fast and Renji got so much better in their training sessions, better even than Shinta could become in the next hundred years.

Sadly he watched the rampaging young man. If only the old Ichigo would’ve attacked him with his stick. The guy attacking him right now didn’t know any of the reasons that Renji would have loved to be attacked for.

In a fast movement he dove underneath the next swing too and got to work by getting rid of the three thugs first or he wouldn’t be able to talk to Shinta calmly. If this possibility even existed.

He rammed the handle of his zanpakuto into the temple of the first one before he could even try to aim for a blow, the next one got a kick into his solar plexus with all the strength Renji could muster before he snatched him to the ground and broke his wrist with a loud crack. In this time the third thug had the time to pull his katana and Renji dodged the clumsy blow elegantly before ramming his elbow into the mans exposed face and broke his nose before stepping behind of him, wrapping his arms in a choke hold around his neck, one in the front, the other in the back and locked his arms. He squeezed abruptly and the man sank to the ground, unconscious.

It took only about five seconds and Renji wasn’t even out of breath when he turned back to Shinta who came closer in the meantime, obviously angered by the fact that Renji defeated his henchmen just like this.

With a loud scream the piece of wood was hurled into his direction and Renji finally pulled out his katana and let the scabbard clatter to the ground at the same time before he met the thrown object with a cut coming from below and the badly processed wood stopped at his blade and was cut into two pieces and countless splinters that all rained down onto the ground.

It made Shinta stop in his tracks for a moment before he jumped at Renji with a scream of anger. Quickly he took a step forward and pushed him back by his shoulder before he could step into the splinters with his bare feet and get hurt in the process.

The younger one groaned heavily when Renji punched the air out of his lungs - not because Renji hit him so hard but because Shinta ran into him with more force than Renji thought he would.

Renji stopped when Shinta started to gag curtly - a mistake. A moment later Shinta turned on his own axis with the goal to ram his heel into Renjis temple.

The yukata he wore moved and showed way too much of Shintas ass and the fact that he wore nothing underneath his yukata. _Nothing at all._

He took a quick step backwards but the other foot still hit him and he shook his head abruptly to get rid of the dazed feeling.

Shinta had turned around in the meantime, tried to punch him and caught him at his cheek.

He took a closer look at his fine facial features, his full lips that he pulled into a hiss and the sparkling brown eyes. Impossible that he could hurt him.

Silently he apologized to Zabimaru and let the sword slide out of his hand and so far away that Shinta couldn’t reach it any time soon when the next punch hit him.

The pads of his feet caught him underneath his chin one after the other and he fell like a cut down tree.

With a shout of victory Shinta was on top of him and his fists were beating down on him. He did it skillfully and it hurt like hell but at the same time Shinta was sitting on him with his legs apart, his naked ass on Renjis steeled stomach and Renji hoped that his cut off moan was drowned by Shintas anew scream of anger.

It wasn’t even Ichigos body, however similar. It definitely wasn’t Ichigos personality because there was no more _Ichigo_ , only Shinta. The reiatsu was the same though. Their core was the same, they had the same fiery character when they were provoked. His fight against all injustice, even though his worldview was rather twisted right now.

Shinta moved down on him a bit to grab him by his kosode abruptly and to hit his jaw so hardly that his head was tossed to the side.

His face was burning and it was numb and throbbed but Shinta was sitting directly on his lap and the gasp that escaped him didn’t stay unnoticed this time. Much less his erection.

He felt how Shinta got up quickly. Again a fist hit him over the head before the younger one stood up abruptly. "You’re sick!" the dark haired one screamed at him and breathing heavily and exhausted Renji tried to get up as well. He couldn’t allow Shinta to run away. He really didn’t plan the part with the boner but he _had_ to talk to him.

Shinta jumped backwards hastily but Renji threw himself forward with an act of strength and managed to close his fingers around his slim ankle. He felt the muscles play underneath his skin but Renji held onto him frantically while Shintas second foot came down onto his arm and elbow and shoulder and once even his head in heavy kicks but he didn’t let go, instead he punched away Shintas leg with his second arm when it came rushing down to him again.

The younger one lost his balance and fell but Renji just somersaulted quickly and caught the young man with his own body.

It wasn’t a pleasant experience when the other one fell onto him heavily but he didn’t complain, instead he only wrapped an arm around Shintas chest and the other one around his neck and turned them both around before he held down the wriggling young man and pressed him to the ground, while trying his best to keep away his lower body since he didn’t want to scare him off even more.

"Let go of me you damn pervert!" the younger one gasped but Renji only shook his head violently. He felt his headache become worse.

Breathing heavily he spit out blood and took a few moments to catch his breath.

His body hurt terribly but he wasn’t allowed to ease up now.

"I want to talk to you first." Renji groaned and flinched first and bit his bottom lip right away to hide another moan when Shinta moved his head to the side and bit down onto his naked lower arm where his kosode had moved.

Renji felt his erection twitch but he fought it down. Not now.

With one arm Renji pressed the arms of the smaller one against his body but Shintas legs were mostly free and he felt naked feet pound against his lower legs.

Oh boy, this lad really was rather lively.

"But I don’t wanna talk to you, jerk-off!" Shinta hissed at him after Renji finally managed to rip his lower arm out of Shintas teeth. The bite wound was bleeding quite a lot.

"Listen to me and I’ll let you go." he promised him with a strained voice and saw nothing but stars for a moment when Shinta strained his body to hit the back of his head against Renjis bleeding and probably broken nose. "I don’t even think about it!" he snarled and Renji nearly let go of him.

His grip did become loose for a moment and Shinta rammed his elbow into Renjis side before he wriggled out from underneath the redhead, kicked the pads of his feet against Renjis head and ran off.

This last kick had been too much for Renji.

He became unconscious for a few long seconds and when he recovered again Shinta was nowhere to be seen.

He barely made it to his feet to get to his zanpakuto when two shinigami from his division were running towards him, saying that they felt the outburst of reiatsu in the whole district.

Renji knew them both. One of them was called Kibari, the other one he saw a few times.

They were both rather surprised when they found their lieutenant beat up like that and when they wanted to know what happened to him Renji just pointed to the three thugs that he sent into unconsciousness before. He didn’t want to give away Shinta and when those thugs were locked away Shinta might not be going back to do things like the part with the market stand.

He was supporting himself on Kibaris shoulder and allowed the other one to bring back his sword. He made the others promise to lock away the three unconscious guys securely before limping off. He himself had to promise that he would see someone from the fourth division and even though he did promise it he started his journey back to the Seireitei.

Sometimes he had to sit down by the side of the road because his head was hurting so badly.

In the end he wasn’t so sure anymore how he made it into district zero and what exactly he did then, if he really went to the fourth division or if he just collapsed somewhere only to be found and taken there by whoever found him.

When he opened his eyes, exhausted - one at least, the other one was swollen shut so badly that he couldn’t see anything out of it - there was someone sitting next to him by his bed, his haori waving around slightly in the light wind, his gaze on a book he was reading.

 _Byakuya._ he thought and felt strangely sad in seeing the renewed captain sit there like this.

Without being able to stop it he felt a tear run down his cheek. He must have made a noise or something like this because Byakuya lifted his gaze now and put aside his book when he realized that Renji was awake.

For a moment they looked at each other in silence but then more tears started to run down his bruised cheeks and a hand was put onto his shoulder. "It did not work out the way you wanted it to." Byakuya declared with a calm voice and Renji shook his head and felt the headache become worse while doing so.

The hand on his shoulder squeezed it softly and even though it made him hurt worse he turned his head to the side and tried to press his face against Byakuyas hand. The older one helped him, turned around his hand and allowed Renji to nuzzle his cheek into his hand.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Byakuya asked him in his usual calm voice and Renji just shrugged, exhausted, while his fingers grabbed for Byakuyas hand to press it closer to his face.

He sniffled.

"I just couldn’t hurt him." he whispered nearly soundlessly. "I couldn’t hit him. And Shinta doesn’t even look like Ichigo. He doesn’t act like Ichigo. But it’s his voice. And there are so many similarities, even though skewed." He swallowed heavily and Byakuyas thumb rubbed over his cheek gently.

"He… talked shit to me and it hurt, more than his punches did but…" With the shake of his head he closed his eyes. "Damn, this fight made me so…" Again he stopped talking before squeezing out with a thin voice. "He made me so hard. And he realized. And only insulted me some more."

Being so close to Byakuya made him feel better but it didn’t arouse him.

"Tell me." he whispered after a moment of silence. "Is there really no way to get back lost memories from souls?"

Gently Byakuya pulled away his hand. "You know the answer to this." the Kuchiki said quietly and Renji just nodded, resigned. 

"Renji." the Kuchiki said seriously. "I have to go back. Stay here for a while and regain your strength. After that… if you wish to do so, go home. To _my_ home."

Renji nodded his agreement. "I will be there." he whispered and Byakuya gifted him with a slight smile before he ran his hand through the injureds hair and got up elegantly. He took his book and left the headquarters of the fourth division.

Kuchiki Byakuya didn’t go back to work.

He didn’t know if his plan would work so he didn’t reveal anything to Renji.

In fact he was researching for many years together with a few work-happy shinigami of the twelfth division, a shy young man from the fourth and Urahara Kisuke on if and how lost memories could be restored. Of course only with voluntary residents of the Soul Society.

The first _test subject_ died before he could tell them if their method had worked and this failure nearly meant the end for their research.

Not that it would’ve stopped Urahara.

Not even Byakuya thought about giving up.

Their methods became less dangerous but their still was no warrant for success. Their success rate was at exactly thirty-four point fifteen percent right now. At least the rest of the candidates didn’t die anymore and they were close to rule out another memory loss.

Ichigo - wrong, Shinta - was something else entirely though because the memories that Renji wanted were buried underneath two lifes and this was a deep intervention into the soul.

Byakuya wanted to check the waters. It just didn’t work out that Renji got beaten half to death like that. He had to have a serious conversation with that lad and he definitely wouldn’t be as soft about it as Renji because in opposition to him he had no qualms in beating up Kasaki Shinta.

It didn’t take long for him to go to Sakahone because he went to the high commander for the permission to open a senkaimon to the district before he crossed it with shunpo until he found Shintas reiatsu which wasn’t that hard of a task since it was concordant to Ichigos as it was the case when it belonged to one single soul.

He passed by the market stand from where he felt the reiatsu to check the waters.

The people walked around him in a big circle and he saw Shinta turn his head. Renji was right. He didn’t look like Ichigo but there were a few similarities.

Steadily Byakuya gazed at the younger man who managed to make the proud Abarai into such a run down bundle of emotions.

Shinta lifted his head in a challenge and since Byakuya had the apprehension that the lad would just attack him on the open street he just sent him a provoking glance before he continued to walk unhurriedly.

As expected he felt the reiatsu follow him, warily and with some space between them.

He left the market place and looked for a place where they could only do little damage. Shinta might not be able to control his reiatsu in any way but it was there and it was gigantic.

Pejoratively Byakuya looked at the younger man who walked around the corner, appearing nonchalant but with visibly tensed up muscles.

"Another one of those fucking shinigami." he was greeted. "What do ya want, hmm?"

With a shunpo Byakuya brought himself next to the young man and slapped him so hard that it sent him sprawling over the ground.

It looked like the quick movement surprised the younger one. He didn’t even lift his arm in protection.

Shinta coughed weakly but didn’t move apart from that.

"You hurt a friend of mine." Byakuya told him in an ice cold voice and the younger one rolled onto his back heavily to glare up at him defiantly even though he didn’t get all of his senses together just yet. "So?" he croaked while he tried to get up onto his feet heavily. "You talking about that redhead pervert? Boy, he was so weak I could’ve-"

He didn’t get any further because Byakuya brought himself behind the young man with another shunpo, grabbed him by the collar of his yukata and thundered him into the next wall with force before pressing him against it with all of his power, one hand on his head and using the other one to twist his arm onto his back.

"He is a lot stronger than you are. He is that much stronger that you will not be on his level in one hundred years." Byakuya explained to him in a calm voice while Shinta twisted his face in pain. "But your reiatsu is strong. You could use it better than as a thug in the middle of nowhere."

Abruptly Byakuya let go of him and watched the younger one when he cradled his hurting arm against his chest and rubbed his face with the other where one could see the impression of the rough wall. No, Byakuya hadn’t been soft with him at all.

"Try your luck with the shinigami. You could make it far." Byakuya suggested but Shinta only snorted and lifted his gaze to glare at him with hatred in his eyes.

"Are you fucking kidding me? So that I become a fuckwit who lets people die that need help?" This outburst surprised Byakuya. He kind of understood what Renji had meant with that were was a lot of Ichigo in Shinta. Contorted maybe but it was there. He never had the urge to watch souls over the time. He never had been interested in it.

"That’s what you black-dressed guys do, don’t you? Helping people? Not standing there like an idiot and letting them die! I’m in this fucking place because this ape watched me die and didn’t lift a single finger to try to help me. To _try_ at least! I won’t ever join you hypocrites!"

Byakuya was tempted to tie the clamoring lad with kidou from head to toe and drag him with him but what the hell was he supposed to do with a rampaging teenager inside of the Seireitei?

Maybe Renji was capable to talk some sense into the boy but he himself neither had the motivation nor the patience for it and when Shinta turned tail and ran away as fast as his feet carried him Byakuya didn’t trouble himself with following him.

He just stared after him with a frown.

He really had to have a talk with Urahara again about the success rate of bringing back ancient memories. This loutish behavior was too much for him.

While Byakuya visited Urahara Kisuke in the human world where the man was still living he found himself surprised indeed when he took a look at this era of the human world. In the Soul Society the Shinta-situation became worse at the same time.

It was impossible to say if it was Byakuyas fault in the end because he gave him a beating like that or if he had followed this plan since a longer time, since his death by Renjis hand.

He gathered a few like minded around himself - something easily found in the lower districts of Rukongai - and started attacks against shinigami that were patrolling Sakahone.

Nobody died by his attacks - yet - but the attacked shinigami went out of action for an indefinite amount of time. Apart from that the high commander couldn’t just tolerate someone attacking his troops.

Renji didn’t notice anything of it because he had locked himself into Byakuyas estate and healed from his injuries, sat in the sun with nothing but a simple yukata and was lost in thoughts and dead to the world.

From time to time Byakuya was around but he didn’t tell Renji about Shinta becoming rogue and made sure that nobody else told him either.

Urahara was back in the Soul Society in the meantime and Byakuya had his hands full with convincing Yamatoto that he was able to deal with the little ryoka troop.

About a week after Byakuya ran into Shinta for the first time he and Urahara Kisuke sat on a bench in front of a tea house in Sakahone with hidden reiatsu and waited for the ryoka to show up.

According to the plan the other high ranked shinigami on their team - all clothed like common shinigami without any badge of rank - were to walk into the ryokas _trap_ , try to fight them off for a moment before leading them back here.

At the same time they were supposed to thin out the thugs that Shinta gathered around him as best as they could.

The whole thing started about ten minutes ago and it couldn’t take much longer until the colorful troop of shinigami and ryoka were to arrive at their destination but for the moment Kisuke and Byakuya nipped at their tea in peace of mind.

"I really find your commitment for this cause remarkable, Byakuya-kun." Kisuke chatted away but Byakuya was too old and mature by now to get upset by the unloved nickname.

Urahara was way too clever not to know what was going on but Byakuya blocked his every question skillfully and Kisuke had his fun in coming up with his own ideas that only got more absurd by the minute.

His face a mask Byakuya sat there, sipping on his tea while he counted to hundred in silence and went through every kidou he could think of, the hand signs for them and their effect.

A scream could be heard from far away and Kisuke turned serious from one moment to the next while Byakuya put down his bowl of tea on the table they were sitting at calmly before he stood up.

The inside of the tea house had been prepped hours ago. Now they just had to catch Shinta.

About two minutes later three shinigami rushed around the corner, followed by about a dozen ryoka. Byakuya lifted an eyebrow. Didn’t they want to decimate them? Well, as he knew his comrades skills they already had.

Shinta had to be quite the personality if he managed to gather that many comrades in arms in such little time. Another parallel to the soul he had inside of him.

Hisagi, Kira and Hiyama, a young shinigami from Renjis unit turned around abruptly and before the ryoka had too much time to react many of them were cut to the ground already while Urahara and Byakuya hurried along the main street.

The fighting ryoka didn’t seem to see them just yet.

Byakuya looked through the pell-mell for a moment and nodded towards Shinta who fought against Hiyama with an old katana. The young man wasn’t injured apart from a bleeding cut on his cheek. There could be worse. Shinta wouldn’t die of it.

Urahara nodded seriously and Byakuya released his reiatsu abruptly, let it wash over the lower souls and even his shinigami colleagues had to halt in their movements for a moment to hold onto their aching heads.

In this moment of shock both Byakuya and Kisuke jumped into the crowd and pulled the leader of this _revolution_ to the ground before Byakuya tied him up like a parcel with his kidou and Urahara threw him over his shoulder.

A few shunpo later they were inside the tea house and Byakuya let his reiatsu fade away again.

The young man who went rigid in shock before got back to his senses and started to gasp audibly. Blood dripped from his mouth and nose and ears while Kisuke dumped the fidgeting bundle on one of the tables.

In a fluent motion Byakuya pressed his lower arm against the others throat to hold him down on the table while Kisuke pulled a leathery rope over his legs.

Shinta still didn’t get back his breath to start protesting wildly and Kisuke used this moment to ram the handle of his zanpakuto into Shintas chest.

The young man screamed dully before he didn’t have any air left to do so. His chest seemed to glimmer and became translucent and Kisuke thrusted his hand into it while Shintas body started to twitch violently, his eyes turned back into his head and his mouth gaping open in a silent but pained scream.

"Hold him down!" Kisuke ordered the captain curtly and with a strained voice and Byakuya wrapped both hands around the others jaw to push the young man down when Shintas body tried to flinch up and away. "Shit!" he heard the former captain swear and Byakuya was afraid that things weren’t moving the way they should.

The researcher let go of his zanpakuto and grabbed inside of the translucent body with his second hand as well.

"Let go!" he screamed all of a sudden. "Kidou off."

Byakuya was glad that he trained a lot in his life. Without it he wouldn’t have been able to follow the order quick enough.

He jumped back when Kisuke did the same, holding onto his zanpakuto again while the slender body on the table started to manifest again. The leather rope around his legs already ripped a while ago.

Shinta squirmed like he was in agony, rolled onto his stomach and vomited onto the table before he curled up with a pained scream and hit the floor harshly back first a moment later before he started to vomit again, this time only stomach acid and blood. He still squirmed, scratched his chest violently so that his finger nails left red welts all over it and turned onto his stomach where he started to pull his hair and hit his fists against his head while he screamed.

Byakuya took a step closer gingerly but Urahara held him back by holding out an arm in front of him.

"Don’t." the former captain said quietly. "He has to make this up with himself."

Again Shinta vomited and held onto his stomach, on his knees, his forehead pressed against the wooden floor of the tea house while he gasped as if he was unable to catch any air before he turned pale first and then blue in the face.

Byakuya then stepped away from Urahara and walked to Shinta before kicking him into the solar plexus from below. The force of the kick pushed Shinta onto his back but he only coughed violently and sucked air into his lungs. "There we go." Byakuya said, satisfied, while Kisuke stepped closer while shaking his head.

Shinta opened his eyes, strained and blinked up at the other two men. "Bya…kuya." he croaked with a hoarse voice and then they could _see_ in the young mans eyes how memories came up and all of a sudden he vomited again and rolled onto his side and into a fetal position while Kisuke pushed the younger captain towards the exit with some force before bending over the dark haired teen and forcing him gently into a somewhat sitting position before he held on to him while Shinta sobbed violently, Shinta who just remembered that he was Ichigo.

Kisuke wondered if they started this whole thing in the wrong way and how bad the chances were that a soul died of memory-overload or got crazy due to it. They should’ve researched longer.

In the end Urahara was glad when Ichigo just sagged and lost his consciousness.

Gently he lied the young man down onto the floor and got out a handkerchief to wipe away blood and vomit from his face, his hair and his clothes before he called for the captain of the fifth division quietly.

Maybe a bit more pale than usually the dark haired one stepped back in and gazed at the unconscious one critically.

"Did it work?" he asked the older shinigami and Kisuke sighed. "I think so. I also think that it wasn’t so easy for him to put together the things he experienced in both lifes. The last thing he remembered as Ichigo might’ve been how he and Renji threw you out of the shinigami ranks. Now you’re standing here in a haori and you also beat him up rather badly a little while ago. At the same time there’s the thing with Renji. I guess he remembers how Renji left him and vanished and at the same time how he beat him up as Shinta. We should give him some time."

Byakuya just nodded. He didn’t even ask from where Urahara knew all of that. It was pointless anyways. The older one didn’t reveal any of his secrets. Urahara sighed before he got up. "You realize that you have to bring him to Yamamoto-sama, right, Byakuya-kun? He is the leader of a ryoka unit that caused harm to the Soul Society."

Byakuya nodded. "I know." he said in a thin voice. "But not before I brought him to Renji."

Kisuke stayed silent at this.

They left the young man where he was and went outside to check on the situation there. Kira was bleeding from both his mouth and his nose - maybe Byakuya overdid it a bit with his reiatsu - but apart from that they were all well and the ryoka all cut down and already moved away by other shinigami.

The Kuchiki exchanged a few words with the members of the ninth division before he went back to the little tea house and pulled the door close behind of him.

In the dusk he was able to see that Ichigo came back to his senses again and he could hear the others quick breathing while he tried to sort out the things in his head that he knew from himself and what happened while he pressed his hand in front of his mouth.

It was only when Byakuya came closer that he saw the trails of tears that ran down the lads face whose mother gave him the name Shinta.

A few feet away he sat down on the floor, cross-legged and his zanpakuto across his knees.

"You remember anything?" he asked the young man in a calm voice and the other one nodded jerkily while his chest shook with silent sobs. "What do you remember? Who you were in your earlier life? Your time after your first death, here in the Soul Society? Your life as Shinta? Everything?" Ichigo nodded silently at everything and Byakuya sighed without making a sound.

"Then I guess you wonder what I am doing here. As a captain above all."

Ichigo threw him a glance, a glance so scared and confused that Byakuya nearly felt sorry for him.

"This time," he started slowly. "he really came to me." Byakuya didn’t have to say Renjis name for Ichigo to understand who was meant with the word _he_ and Byakuya was sure that he could read pain in the brown soul orbs. "He came to me because he could not come to you."

His slender fingers moved lightly across the collar of the haori he wore.

"It is because of him that I can be a shinigami again. You might not believe me but my feelings for him are sincere. What I can say with certainty though is that he does not return them in any way. The only one he ever thought about was you."

For the first time since Byakuya came back in the young man started to talk, his voice thin and barely understandable. "He left me."

Byakuya nodded curtly. "He told me of it. And even such an emotionless being like me was able to see how he really felt for you. He wanted you to have a short, happy human life and the way I understood it he wanted to find you when you come to the Soul Society."

Ichigo closed his eyes. "He did find me. And never said anything." "Did you recognize him?" Ichigos breath halted for a moment and he shook his head while another stream of tears ran down his cheeks. "If you really remember everything that happened back then, then you will remember how you saved a little thief from a stand owner. And how you ran into a crying Renji afterwards." Ichigo nodded with a sniffle. "It was this evening that he came to me for the first time. He lived in abstinence for fifty-five years. You can believe me he _did_ wait for you. And I can also vouch that he did not sleep with anyone in this time."

A sob could be heard coming from Ichigo.

"He was resigned and fell onto his knees and told me to do with him as I wished and so I did. And then I held him when he was crying afterwards and when he screamed _your_ name during our sexual intercourse." Again Ichigo sniffled. "I offered him to stay. If you know Renji you know that he hates nothing more than to be alone. So he stayed."

Ichigo nodded. Yes, he knew.

"One might say that we were in a relationship but it was still _you_ who he did everything for. He followed you back into the human world when you were reborn and did his best to take care of you. Shinigami laws do not permit to interact with mortals but apparently he wrote you little notes. And when you died - well, I do not really know what he thought. For one thing you were incurable disfigured and on the other hand he hoped to find you again."

He looked the young man lying on the floor into his eyes steadily.

"We were together for more than one hundred years. This is quite some time, even for a shinigami. And his heart still belongs to you. I accepted it. He always belonged to you. I am happy to have him for the last hundred years. But I swear to you, if you drop him, if he comes to me because you hurt him so bad - I will destroy you!"

The fire in Byakuyas eyes was real. Ichigo didn’t doubt for one second that Byakuya would do exactly that.

"Where is he?" Ichigo whispered and Byakuyas determined expression changed back into his cool mask. "On my estate. He recovers from the injuries you inflicted on him." Ichigo flinched like he was hit. "Why didn’t he fight back?" he asked with a rough voice. "He could not. He told me that he could not hit you. He said _that_ _there would be too much Ichigo inside of Shinta_."

Ichigo hid his face behind his hands again but his trembling chest betrayed him.

"You know that you have to take responsibility for your rise against the Soul Society." Ichigo nodded, his face still hidden. "I will take you to the high commander myself - right after I took you to my estate.

Ichigo nodded again but stayed silent.

Byakuya got back to his feet.

"Can you walk?" he asked and Ichigo rolled over onto his stomach again heavily before he pulled his knees underneath him before heaving himself up. He swayed a bit but stood on shaky legs. "Yes." he answered Byakuyas question and the Kuchiki nodded curtly.

"I can not take you anywhere like this - not to Renji, not to Yamamoto-sama. You do not look presentable. Go outside and clean yourself. I will make sure that you get a shinigami uniform so you have something proper to wear."

Ichigo just nodded, his head lowered before he stumbled outside on shaky legs and with hunched shoulders.

Byakuya sighed while he looked after him. Doing the right thing hurt.

Renji sat on the terrace of Byakuyas estate.

He wore his shinigami uniform. He planned to go to work in a little while. He still didn’t feel all that good but the thoughts haunting him weren’t good for a process of healing. He would feel better when he could get distracted at work.

He had to go and see Shinta as well. He couldn’t let anything stay untried. He couldn’t give up now. Maybe, with time… Maybe his hatred would fade.

Renji sighed while he played with a few strings of kidou that he produced from out of nowhere. He braided them and loosened them again carefully.

He barely registered his surroundings but when he felt reiatsu in the house he sighed. It looked like Byakuya was back.

He wasn’t in any mood to greet the captain just now. He would do it later.

A few feet behind of him the door to the terrace opened and he turned around, his face covered in countless bruises and band aids that the fourth division taped all over his nose to set it straight again, his cheeks sunken and his eyes dead to the world.

His fingers had still been busy with the kidou strings. Now they stopped when two figures stepped outside, one with Byakuyas sure walk and the other one gingerly in tiny steps and wringing his hands.

Slowly his gaze wandered upwards. Even though he could feel the reiatsu his brain didn’t want to believe what he saw.

Well, one of them was Byakuya holding onto a figure with lowered gaze and slumped shoulders by his neck and pushing him forward roughly.

"Byakuya?" he asked but the other one only nodded und pushed Shinta forward a bit before he took back a step.

Renjis gaze wandered from the long haired one to the young soul that beat him up so badly.

"Shinta?" he asked gingerly and the addressed one lifted his gaze slowly before he shook his head, breathing heavily. "Ichigo." he said with a breaking voice and Renji felt tears gather in his eyes while his lips repeated the word soundlessly.

A moment later he was on his knees in front of the young man, his arms wrapped around the others hips and his face buried in his stomach while he sobbed soundly and pulled Ichigo closer, so close that the younger one felt rather squeezed to death.

Ichigo didn’t move for an awful long second.

Byakuya might have told him a lot about how Renji only thought about him all of those years but it was only now that he slowly started to believe it.

He felt tears prickle in his own eyes and wrapped his hands slowly around Renjis head before he slumped onto his own knees and buried his face in Renjis shoulder, his arms now wrapped around his strong shoulders.

"Oh Kami." Renji whispered with a broken, hoarse voice. "I love you. I love you so much. I never ever stopped. I’m so sorry. I’m so incredibly sorry. I-I only ever wanted the best for you. Forgive me, please forgive me. I should’ve never let you got. I-I didn’t know… didn’t know what to do. Please stay with me. Please don’t leave me alone. I’m so sorry. Please. Please…"

At some point of his stumbled apology Renji had slipped down and had his forehead buried in the wooden flooring of the terrace now while his shoulders shook.

Ichigo stayed silent. The pain of Renji leaving him had slowly ebbed away many years ago. Without a word he got next to the bigger one, wrapped his arms around the muscular body and hid his face in Renjis neck. "I’m sorry." he whispered. "I forgot about you. I didn’t remember who you are. I hurt you without knowing it and then I hurt you with full intention. I nearly beat you to death. Why didn’t you stop me? Why?"

Renji turned around awkwardly and put his hands onto Ichigos cheeks. They were formed differently than from the time when Ichigo had another body but Renji barely registered it while he looked into the tear filled, sad brown eyes. "How could I?" he whispered. "I could never hurt you. If you remembered me or not, I couldn’t hit you."

A shiver wrecked Ichigos body while tears ran down his cheeks.

Renjis lips pressed against Ichigos forehead before he leaned his own against it.

"I swore to take care of you. I can’t hurt you." he whispered. "Back then I promised to you little sister and to myself, back then when you died for the first time."

A moment later Renji wrapped his arms around him again and held onto him. "I won’t leave." Ichigo promised him with a thin voice. "And when you try to fuck me over ten more times, you won’t be able to get rid of me again!"

Ichigo let go of him abruptly and even though he thought just a minute ago that Renji leaving him didn’t hurt all that much anymore he found out that he was wrong.

Without any anger in his punches he started to hit Renjis chest with his fist.

"Why did you leave me alone?" he whispered. "I needed you. I loved you. With everything I was. I… I didn’t want to live anymore. I only ever needed you. Do you-"

Ichigos voice broke when he pressed his face into Renjis chest. "Do you even know how much it hurt?" he croaked and felt Renji nod close to his head. "Yes. Yes I know." the redhead answered with quivering voice.

Exhausted Renji wrapped his arms tighter around the younger ones body and let himself sink back onto the sun warmed wooden floor of the terrace and pressed Ichigo closer while doing so.

"And then you were gone. Like swallowed by the earth. I couldn’t even find you in the sixth division. Rikichi told me you quit. You were just _gone_ like that. I swear if I would’ve been able to I would have followed you into the Soul Society and pulled you back with my own two hands." Renji only nodded silently. "Shit, I tried. But Urahara told me… he told me that my body wouldn’t live through another trip here. He didn’t help me."

Renji closed his eyes and pulled Ichigo closer. He didn’t know.

"When… When I stood at your grave… Karin was there, your sister. I asked her and she said that you were happy." Renjis voice became thin and quiet to the end. "I saw them. Your son and your granddaughter. They looked exactly like you."

Ichigo rubbed his eyes. "Yes. Yes, I was happy. Did you want to hear that? I was happy, but only a long time later."

Again an apology died away in Ichigos dark hair and he could feel how Renji took a deep breath, his arms wrapped around his head and his broken nose in his hair.

It hurt to rip open those old wounds but at the same time he felt how Renjis presence put them back together. For real this time.

Their conversation came to a halt and instead they were lying in each others arms. Ichigo held him close and pressed to him while Renjis hands seemed to be everywhere, moved through his hair gently and across his shoulder blades. They both had their eyes closed and when Byakuya came back an hour later to check on what was going on outside - Ichigo still had to show up at the court martial - he found them both sleeping while holding onto each other.

With a sigh and the roll of his eyes he moved inside again.

It wouldn’t make a difference if he brought Ichigo an hour later than planned.

Renji, who still had no idea of what Shinta did lately, got rather shocked when Byakuya told him where he had to take Ichigo now.

They had been sitting next to each other on the terrace and looked into the big garden, Ichigos head on Renjis shoulder and Renjis head on Ichigos head when Byakuya came out to them, followed by a servant who brought tea and cookies.

Renji started eating the cookies and showed Ichigo that he should do the same but the younger one was more gingerly.

Then Byakuya dropped the bomb and Renji had lost his appetite and the already chewed on cookie landed back on the plate.

In a few short sentences Byakuya explained to him what happened while Ichigo only sat there with his ears a deep red and his hands clenched in the borrowed shinigami uniform.

"I go with you!" Renji had said right away but Byakuya had only shaken his head. "You will stay right here and wait." he had ordered. Both the Kuchiki himself and Renji realized that he fell back into his cold behavior while Ichigo just wondered how Renji was able to stay with the noble for such a long time. "But-" Renji started but Byakuya shook his head firmly. "You would only try to convince Yamamoto-sama that it was your own fault. But Ichigo - Shinta - is responsible for his own actions."

With hunched shoulders Ichigo had nodded. "He’s right." he mumbled before he felt Renjis hand on his own. "You… can come and pick me up if you want to." he added with a timid smile and Renji had only nodded.

"Five minutes." Byakuya had told them before he had gotten to his feet. At least he showed some sense of tact.

Renji had been too overwhelmed by the fact that he was allowed to have Ichigo in his arms again and that Ichigo remembered him again, there had been no other thought but to hold onto him and never let him go again.

Now he squeezed Ichigos fingers gently before he lifted his hand to Ichigos face to run his fingers carefully over the unknown facial features and run his thumb over his cheek.

Ichigo held his breath. It escaped him in a huff now while he never took his gaze away from the others dark irises.

A second hand ended up on his other cheek and then Renji leaned closer while his eyelids started to drop. Ichigo didn’t manage to close his own eyes. He had his hands on Renjis while he returned the kiss gingerly. Memories came up how they used to kiss back then but Shintas body didn’t remember it.

Renji recognized that their kiss was rather gingerly. Of course he did. "Don’t worry, it’s going to be alright." Renji tried to calm him down. Apparently he thought that Ichigos missing enthusiasm was out of worry for a punishment. "You haven’t been yourself. Or, well… someone else. And in the end there wasn’t that much happening, right?"

Glad for the change of subject Ichigo nuzzled his cheek into Renjis hand and snorted. "Yes. Of course. I only…" He counted silently. "beat up fifteen shinigami. And attacked them with superior strength."

Fingers moved across his cheeks. "Yamamoto-sama likes you. And all the others do too. I’m sure that they’ll understand when you explain it to them."

With a slight scowl Ichigo looked towards the door of the terrace. "What about him? Is he on our side as well?" he asked quietly and Renji followed his gaze. "I… think so. Even though I can’t understand it any better than you."

Ichigo turned back to the redhead who smiled at him encouragingly and pressed another kiss to his full lips before he whispered against them: "I’ll be waiting for you. I need you tonight." "Only for tonight?" Ichigo teased him with a thin voice and Renji shook his head gently. "After that too." he answered quietly and Ichigo nodded while he moved his fingers slowly across Renjis face. "I’ll be there." he promised quietly before he stepped out of Renjis arms and got up while Renji stayed on his ass, still holding onto his hands. Gently he kissed each and every one of Ichigos fingertips before letting go of him with a sigh.

"Please come back to me." Renji begged him in a quiet voice and Ichigo wrapped an arm around his head and pulled him against his stomach before he moved his fingers through his long hair. "I will." he said in a serious voice before he stepped back slowly, his gaze on Renjis beaten up face.

"See ya." he said his goodbyes with a timid smile and Renji returned it just as shyly as Ichigo. "Yes. See ya." the older one answered and Ichigo turned around when tears started to prickle in his eyes. Byakuya stood behind the door. Maybe he listened. Maybe he only had the right timing.

"Ready?" Ichigo was asked and he nodded.

"Let us go." Byakuya said and then they left the terrace and Renji stayed back on his own. The redhead leaned against one of the support pillars and took a deep breath while his head beat wildly against his ribcage.

He still wasn’t able to fully understand his luck.

Ichigos hearing went… better than feared. Maybe even better than hoped.

They couldn’t leave him without punishment since the reasoning of _lack of sanity_ didn’t work how it should have since Ichigo was in full ownership of his mental powers during his time as Shinta. At the same time someone - Ichigo - couldn’t simply be punished for something another one - Shinta - did.

In the end the criminal court agreed on community services. Cleaning up in shinigami buildings. Taking care of the swords of the low ranking shinigami.

Ichigo could live with that. He wouldn’t get anything better than this.

Apart from that the high commander advised him personally to apply to the shinigami academy after the end of his punishment so his reiatsu was able to be put to good use.

Ichigo didn’t have the time yet to think about what he wanted to do with his new life in the Soul Society. But, yes, he could deal with a live as a shinigami, even though he wanted to think about it first.

The high commander was alright with that.

He had to give away the shinigami uniform again but they gave him a shitagi he could wear.

When Ichigo left the head quarters of the first division - followed by Byakuya - Renji was actually waiting for him and his heart jumped in his chest. A smile spread across his lips.

He really came. Not that he doubted it but a part of him didn’t think he would. Shintas life was way too fresh in his memory and in his life barely anyone ever kept a promise.

Renji looked at him questioningly and Ichigo smiled at him briefly.

Slowly they took a few steps towards each other before wrapping their arms around each other. "Everything alright?" he was asked. "Yes." he answered simply. "I’ll tell you when we’re away from here." he promised and Renji nodded.

"Okay." he whispered.

With a nod he said his goodbyes to Byakuya, then Renji turned his back to him, pulled an arm around Ichigos shoulders and they wandered off.

Ichigo felt how his ears redden but he said nothing. His heart was beating wildly inside of his chest. It was a nice nervosity. A few streets later he started to talk about his meeting with the high commander. Sometimes Renji threw in a question but most of the time he just listened quietly.

It wasn’t hard to recognize that he was just as glad as Ichigo himself that his punishment wasn’t even nearly as bad as feared. Renji was sure that he would have broken into prison to get Ichigo out.

On their way to Renjis barrack they stopped at a ramen stand and ate a bowl each. Ichigo didn’t want to admit it but he was rather hungry since the last time he had eaten anything was in the morning when he still thought that he was Shinta.

When they stepped into Renjis apartment later on Ichigo felt like he was put back in time because it looked like back then when they went into the Soul Society to bring down Byakuya. Was that seriously two life spans ago?

Slowly Renji let the door fall back into its hinges and turned the key.

Ichigo turned around to the bigger one when he heard the noise of the door. He held his breath for a moment when Renji came closer. Did the shinigami breathe heavier too?

Step for step be forced Ichigo backwards against the wall and Ichigo let him, then Renjis face sank against the side of his neck and he started to breathe in his scent deeply. "You still smell the same." Ichigo heard him whisper and swallowed heavily, his own face hidden in Renjis shoulder while he wrapped his arms slowly around the others strong shoulders. "You too." he answered in a thin voice and felt a moment later how kisses were pressed against the skin of his neck. His heartbeat quickened and he turned his head to the side while the slightly rough lips wandered across his neck slowly.

Arms wrapped around his lower back and a moment later he had to wrap his legs around Renjis hips when he lifted him up abruptly. A surprised sound escaped him and he wrapped his arms around Renjis neck. A hand loosened the obi around his hips and the white kimono opened up.

With one arm Renji held on to the younger one while he used his other hand to explore the still unknown body, let his thumb flicker over the sensitive nipples and felt Ichigo shiver at the touch.

"Take your arms down." he whispered against the full lips and felt how his erection jumped when Ichigo let go of his neck trustfully so that only Renjis arm and Ichigos legs around his hips held him up.

The older one pulled down Ichigos upper clothing from his shoulders and down his arms before letting it fall to the floor. Pleasantly surprised Renji realized that Ichigo sported quite some muscles in his arms.

Now with both arms again Renji pulled the other one close before pushing away from the wall and taking Ichigo to his futon where he bend forward carefully to lay Ichigo down and follow him directly since Ichigos legs didn’t let go off him.

Circuitously he got out of the sleeves of his uniform.

Maybe he would’ve recognized that Ichigo wasn’t as loud as usual if he hadn’t been as aroused and excited himself. With soft pressure he let his hands move over the muscular body beneath him while his lips got to the task to explore the outlines of Ichigos ears.

He felt the younger one shudder when he let his tongue run over his auricle and licked the hole in his ear where his earring used to be gently but when he let his hand wander deeper and tried to get underneath Ichigos hakama the younger one squirmed beneath him in a way that couldn’t be called aroused anymore. A hand grabbed Renjis wrist and held onto him heavily.

"Wait!" he heard Ichigo say and his voice sounded strained and tense and Renji stopped, a bit surprised but without hesitation. "What is it?" he asked the other one with a hoarse voice and looked the younger one into his widened, brown eyes.

Ichigos head sank down into the pillow with a groan and he took a deep breath.

Slowly Renji lied down next to him onto his side and watched him searchingly. Something was wrong with Ichigo.

"I…" Ichigo started with a shaky voice, took another deep breath and continued. "I don’t… get hard right now somehow." His voice became thinner and quieter. Renji tilted his head. "Well, I didn’t touch you yet." he said. "I mean, _really_ touched you."

Ichigo shook his head with a pained expression.

"That’s not it." he answered silently and turned away his head to take another deep breath as if to calm down his nerves. "It… feels weird. Like I have the urge to… punch you and run away. Not… because its you, but…" Another deep breath and Renji waited patiently but Ichigo stayed quiet as if he was too embarrassed to continue talking or as if he feared that he would break something between them.

Renji smiled weakly. "Because I’m a dude?" he asked freely and saw Ichigo blush.

In his three-hundred something years he heard about something like this already. Many souls told him about their lifes. It had something to do with bad experiences and things like that.

"Shinta only ever slept with girls, right?" he asked in a calm voice and Ichigo nodded before he asked in a thin voice: "How do you know?" "Sometimes I was… there at rather bad times." he admitted and Ichigo laughed before he tried to hit him with the palm of his hand against the back of his head. He let himself fall down onto his back next to Ichigo.

"Why do you have this feeling? To punch me and run away?" he asked, interested. "Did someone touch you when you were younger?" he tried and Ichigo shrugged vaguely. "My uncle." he said after a bit of thinking. "Kouru?" Renji asked him, surprised. Kouru didn’t appear to him like someone that would be interested in little boys. Quickly Ichigo shook his head. "Nonsense! He was a better father than my real one. Well, as far as I remember at least… Since you stalked me so obviously you might know that my father and his brother had another sister?" Renji nodded. "Yup." "Her husband. He was… weird. Always wanted me to sit on his knees when I was young and… started fumbling."

Renji made a face. _This_ he had missed. He felt a shudder run down his back at the thought alone. "What a fuckwit." he mumbled and Ichigo nodded quietly. "It’s a long time ago…" Aunt Mira and the dude moved to another part of Tokyo when I was seven and they were barely there in the first place after my father returned. But I still get the feeling of… well-"

He shook his head, looking for a fitting word. "Disgust?" Renji tried and Ichigo nodded gingerly. "That too. Panic. Fear. I don’t know."

For a moment they both were silent while Renji turned his head to look at the younger one and let his gaze wander across his body thoughtfully. Yes, Shintas life had been a lot of shit. _Ichigo_ might be up for sex but _Shinta_ said no.

All of a sudden a knowing grin moved over his face and he climbed across the smaller one abruptly, wrapped an arm around his shoulders and another one around his hips and turned them around abruptly.

A surprised scream fled Ichigo and Renji felt how finger nails dug down into his naked shoulders.

"But you’re not afraid when you’re on top, right?" Renji asked him and Ichigo sat up abruptly while he recovered from the first shock of the sudden change of position. "No?" he said gingerly and it sounded more like a question. Renji grinned and stabbed his finger into Ichigos naked chest. "Then get going Shinta-kun. Just like you did it with the girls back then."

Ichigo blushed. "I… don’t think that this would be good for your ego. Shinta… _I_ … we were rather… rough most of the time." Renji giggled, amused while he crossed his hands behind his head. "Are you kidding? My _ego_ will survive." He pulled Ichigo down with one hand and whispered into his ear. "Or did you already forget how I begged you to take me unprepared?" Ichigo blushed some more while Renji laughed louder. "Come on, that’s only… like hundred and seventy years ago or something like that."

And then Renjis laugh died and became a hoarse scream when Ichigo bit down onto his shoulder and grabbed his hips at the same time to press him down onto the futon as Renji tried to move against him. Renjis arms were grabbing for him but Ichigo only hissed: "Hands back next to your head." and Renji obeyed abruptly while a shudder ran down his body. The amused sparkle in his eyes had vanished, instead his pupils were blown while there was a fire burning in them. Ichigo was sure that Renjis heartbeat doubled by now.

This condition held on for another moment, then Renji giggled again - though breathless this time - and looked up at him provocatively. Two could play this game.

A bit rough Ichigo grabbed for his wrists and pulled them over Renjis head where he held onto him with one hand before his other hand ghosted across Renjis naked upper body. It was only now that he found the time to realize how many new scars littered Renjis body. Slowly he moved his fingers across an old one and Renji shuddered again.

"Don’t move." Ichigo growled at him before he let go of Renjis hands. He felt himself becoming aroused finally. With both hands he grabbed the others flat chest and massaged it with firm movements. He felt Renji twitch beneath him but the redhead didn’t move.

Instead he moaned, loud and deep and in a way that brought back so many memories that his cock twitched.

He saw the corners of Renjis mouth twitch. Did he do that on purpose? Was he playing a show for him? Well, it worked but Ichigo wanted the reactions to be real. He bent closer, grabbed for his nipple roughly and rubbed it in between his fingers while he closed his lips around the other one, bit into it lightly and ran his tongue over it.

This time Renjis reaction most definitely wasn’t an act. Arms wrapped around his head abruptly - did Renji seriously just forget that he wasn’t supposed to move? - and legs around his hips before he pulled down Ichigos lower body onto Renjis. The redhead moaned deeply and when Ichigo looked up he had his head pushed back while he was rubbing himself against him.

Ichigo let go of him and looked up at him while Renji sent him a smirk.

"Better when you’re on top?" he asked him in a rough voice and Ichigo nodded. "Yes. I’m fine." he said and meant it like that. Renji pulled him into a kiss. "Good." he whispered. "Then give it to me tiger. I’ve been way too long without you as if I could go slow now. We'll play another time." Ichigo nodded quickly and pulled at his bottom lip, nibbled on it and pulled it between his teeth until it was a blotching red and glistened wet.

With a quick breath and slightly glazed over gaze he looked into Renjis dark eyes before his hands wandered deeper, down to his hakama that he pulled off of him. He had to admit, it didn’t look really elegant. In Shintas era there barely were clothes like this.

Hands moved across Renjis naked hips, down to his knees and pressed them against his chest.

Quickly Renji moved his hands to his ass to prepare himself but Ichigo hit them away. "Shinta wasn’t that much of a monster." he growled into Renjis ear, aroused. " _I_ am preparing you." Renji only nodded quickly and put away his hands. "Alright. Hurry." he squeezed out, breathing heavily while Ichigo pulled at his earlobe. "Lube?" he asked and Renjis breath stopped for a moment. "F-Fuck. Don’t have any anymore." Ichigo just snorted, amused and licked a line over his neck before he started to suck on his skin between his neck and shoulder until a hickey formed.

Renji shivered. His hips moved. "C-Cum works fine too." he croaked and added quickly when he remembered Ichigos dilemma: "It’s okay, I’ll do it.", but Ichigo was faster than him and Renji pushed into Ichigos hand when it wrapped around his cock. A bit gingerly he moved his fist up and down his dick but every stroke became more firm. Then he ran his slender fingers across Renjis glans to gather pre-cum on his fingers expertly.

Abruptly one finger pushed into him, rather skillfully, and he gasped in surprise before a breathless laugh escaped him. "Come on, more." Renji squeezed out through his heavy breathing and Ichigo did as he asked even though a part of him wondered if he really didn’t hurt Renji. According to his sounds he didn’t.

He seemed… stretched. Not like he just had sex but at least as if he had sex _lately_. And a lot of it too.

Carefully he pushed in another finger and when Renji only gasped and squirmed - as best as he could with his legs pressing against his chest - Ichigos movements became a bit harsher, the thrusts of his fingers deeper and Renji felt close to orgasm.

Heavily he pushed a hand between their bodies. First Ichigo tried to stop him from touching himself but something in his gaze must have talked for him and Ichigo let go of his wrist again so Renji could wrap thumb and index finger around his penis.

"Stop." Renji groaned. "Just take me. Enough. My body can take it." he promised, breathing heavily and Ichigo believed him - he could feel the truth in Renjis words around his fingers.

He widened them curtly and took them out again.

"Tell me…" Ichigo asked, pausing, holding his manhood only inches away from Renjis hole. "Can souls infect each other with venereal diseases?" Breathing heavily Renji shrugged. "Why do you ask? You got something?" Ichigo blushed. "I don’t know… Never got myself tested." he answered with red cheeks and Renji laughed before he pulled down the younger one to kiss him. "We’re already dead. Didn’t you recognize during your first being-dead that you didn’t even have a damn cold?"

Ichigo paused, surprised and seemed to think about it. Something like relief washed over his face. "You’re right." he said and answered the kiss passionately.

Renji wanted to let go of him to tell him that he should hurry up and take him but Ichigo didn’t need the order for it. With an animalistic sound Renjis head fell into his neck when Ichigo sunk into him, gingerly his glans at first and then abruptly the rest of him. "Oh fuck, fuck, fuck." he heard Renji whimper. "Hah. You’re so tight." he squeezed out between clenched teeth before he took a deep breath and started to thrust into the shinigami, deep and hard like Renji wanted him to.

One hand moved across Ichigos back, over his shoulder blades and fell to the side again when a well aimed trust hit Renjis prostate dead on before he started clawing at the bed sheets and stopped himself with the other to cum between their bodies just like that.

One of Ichigos hands found their way into Renjis hair and pulled his head back. He had wanted to attack Renjis neck again but found himself too breathless to do so and just buried his face in the others throat, listening to the others gasps while his smell and his sounds and his warm strong body next to his brought him closer to orgasm. Renji laughed breathlessly and gasped when Ichigo rammed his cock into his point of lust again. "You… got more… stamina then before." he said and Ichigo gasped as well.

"Y-You think so?" he squeezed out. "Because… I’m cuming soon." "Then cum!" begged - ordered? - Renji him to do and Ichigo hid his nose in Renjis neck with a gasp before he orgasmed into him when Renji cramped down around him abruptly.

"F-Fucker." he croaked but Renji only whimpered. Ichigo could feel Renjis ass contract around his dick while Renji tried to move against him with his legs still folded in front of his chest.

"You didn’t cum yet?" he asked, breathing heavily and Renji just shook his head.

A whimper escaped the redhead when Ichigo pulled out of him and before he could complain Ichigo moved down his body, wrapped an arm around Renjis that still held onto his erection and put his lips around the pre-cum covered glans. Ichigo was able to take him in fully - Shintas body didn’t seem to like the idea of that - yet - but Ichigo made up for it with knowledge, sucked on the reddened glans and fondled his testicles with the other, more gentle than their earlier game of love, and rolled them around in his hand while he used his other one, the one still lying on top of Renjis, to move his fingers across his knuckles before he pressed his thumb into a pressure point right behind his thumb. Renji let go of himself - and came abruptly into Ichigos mouth and even though his face was put into well known scowl Ichigo didn’t let go of him and just treated his cock like an overgrown lollipop, sucked at it and imitated swallowing motions and if Renji hadn’t known better he would’ve been sure that Shinta sucked cock before - well, _Ichigo_ did.

A skilled tongue moved across the slit on his tip and Renjis hips inched into his direction, getting a bit oversensitive for this sort of touch.

Renjis tensed up legs sagged back into a horizontal position when Ichigo let go of his softening cock and moved up on him instead, leaving a kiss here and there and pressing his lips against Renjis then - a bit clumsily maybe since they were pressing their noses against each other but Renji didn’t care.

His fingers moved across Ichigos muscular back and he pulled him closer.

"Good?" Ichigo asked him against his lips hoarsely and Renji nodded. "Perfect." he whispered and buried his face in the dark hair.

For a few minutes they held onto each other to catch their breath again, exchanging sloppy kisses again and again.

"May I ask you something?" Renji whispered and Ichigo nodded. "Sure." he answered and Renji pushed away a strand of hair. "What did turn you on so much? I mean… You just told me that you… couldn’t." "You seriously ask me that?" Ichigo asked and looked at him with his big brown eyes. "You of course." he whispered and closed his eyes when Renji leaned closer to put their lips together again. "I promise: Next time I swallow it down and you can top me."

It was Renji to hit him over the head now.

"You won’t _swallow it down_. We go slow. We got all the time in this world. Literally!"

Ichigo saw the others cheek blush when he leaned closer to his ear and whispered as if nobody was allowed to hear them: "You know, it has been eternity since I fucked anyone. I don’t think I would have managed to thrust into you before cuming. That would’ve been embarrassing. I’m rather happy that we did it like _this_."

Ichigo giggled, amused and moved his fingers through the older ones long hair before burying his face in the others strong chest while a soft smile spread his lips. Without knowing it he missed this - the way Renji was capable to cheer him up.

"Wanna know the only weak point in this apartment?" Renji asked quietly and Ichigo nodded. "There’s no bathroom. Only a public one across the street." He leaned closer to Ichigos ear. "Which means you have to take good care of me when we go and clean up later on. So that nobody sees me."

Ichigo smiled.

"I will. But… would you mind if we would do that a bit later? I just want to stay like this right now."

Renji smiled and shook his head. "No objections." he whispered and closed his eyes, satisfied.

When Renji came back into their apartment one month later Ichigo was sitting in the middle of his futon, his legs crossed and it looked like he had waited for him impatiently. "Hi." Renji greeted him happily and put Zabimaru onto his place before he stopped for a moment and wondered what was wrong with Ichigos appearance.

It wasn’t the black shinigami uniform since he wore it whenever he did his community services. Well, it looked like it was another one. New. Less tattered. Right, he wondered why Ichigo wore that baseball cap. And from where he had it from. He wanted to see the place in the Soul Society where things from the human world were sold. Correction: From the human world _and_ the last century.

"Ahm. Pretty…" he said, simply because he didn’t know what else to say. Ichigo got up in the meantime and Renjis gaze fell onto the katana leaning against the wall. He blinked. "This zanpakuto." he whispered with a thin voice. "Does that mean…" A grin spread across Ichigos face. "Surprise." he said, then Renji was in front of him, his face in his hands and kissed him onto his lips.

Ichigo answered the kiss with a wide grin.

The cap fell down and when Renji reopened his eyes his breath stopped again when orange red hair fell into the younger ones face. Surprised Renjis fingers moved through the others bangs that had grown a lot in the last month. "You dyed them?" he asked in disbelief and Ichigo changed his facial expression to a scowl. "And it was a pain in the ass too. You see that? They’re still black all over!"

Ichigo poked at his hair but Renji only laughed.

"Idiot!" he giggled while he leaned his forehead against Ichigos. "Suits you. But you know that I still think that you’re super hot with dark hair, right?" Ichigo snorted and turned his head to press his lips against Renjis. "Yeah. I know." he said and let go of Renji to grab for his zanpakuto. Still in disbelief Renji stared at the orange shock of hair while Ichigo grabbed the katana and put if onto his back even though it was way too small for this.

"What do you think about some Sake?" he asked the older one and Renji tilted his head, remembering that Ichigo hated that stuff.

A lopsided grin moved across Ichigos lips. "Shinta loved that shit."

An arm wrapped around his shoulders and pulled his body closer to the taller one.

"Well, you won’t hear a no from me." Renji laughed and grabbed for Zabimaru on their way out.

"What do you think." Renji asked him. "Should we go and scare the shit out of Ikkaku?"

Ichigo laughed and nodded while Renji let the door fall back into its hinges.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, everyone, that was the last official part of "Some Stories".  
> There somehow however will be another one which will simply be a smut collection that is playing in the "Some Stories" universe. It's not like it will have a special amount of chapters too. I'll just upload whenever I got something ready, so stay tuned. (I might have to admit that I'm already at the fourth part by now...)  
> Thank you for reading! I hope we'll see each other in another story soon. ^^


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